Update: A Boy Called...Lucy.

On Friday night, we made a startling discovery.

Our new little kitten, Lucy - is in fact, a HIM.

Glad we found out now. I would hate for him to have "issues".....

So, let's try this again.... Welcome Ash to our family! =)

Making friends...with enemies.

I can’t believe I am blogging about this, but, this is the kind of stupid crap that is part of my day to day life – so, enjoy?

Suffice it to say – if you’ve spent any prolonged amount of time with me, the subject of birds has come up. More accurately, my absolute fear, loathing, disgust and horror of birds.

I can’t even pinpoint the exact moment when birds began to bring about such terror in me but it could have been the time I was 2, sitting in Washington DC with my parents, and got swarmed by pigeons. Or it could have been all the seagulls that terrorized us kids on the playground/lunch area of our California elementary school – making us run, duck, hide, and scream to get away from the attacks for our tater tots or dive-bombing us to poop on us. I saw it happen more than once and it wasn't pretty.

But it could have easily been seeing the movie “The Birds” too. Seriously, how could anyone like birds after seeing that?!

Whatever it was, I just don’t like them. If they ever get too close to me, I freak OUT. I sometimes cry, usually just whimper. And always get as far away from them as possible. 

Once, my ex and I sat on the patio of Red Robin one summer evening and he lured a GIANT goose over with a french fry and was trying to get it as close as he could to me. I nearly committed a murder, I was that upset.

So, it surprised me when – just last night – I realized a pigeon (of all things) had made a little “home” not 4 feet from my back door. In the trellis of my soon to be grapes, I might add.

Something inside me said “Let it stay. Maybe you can conquer this fear, once and for all.”

Hmmm. Stranger things have happened.

So far, the past few mornings that I forget it is there, I walk to my car and it flaps away furiously scaring the living shit outta me. But, I know it’s probably just as scared of me as I am of it. Riiiiight.

Here “she” (he, it? I have no idea, nor do I care..) is: (I just call it "Pidgie" for now....)

UPDATE!!!!!: True to my "airheaded-ness", I realized soon after this post that this was actually a DOVE, not a pigeon. Yeah, I am so smart.

It's all in the Art.

So, its safe to say – art is not my strong point. And secretly, I have always longed to be one of those people who could draw, doodle, paint a masterpiece or something even remotely cool. 

But, I can’t. My brother can. He’s amazing. And my sister? She is a crafting WIZ. Like, made me a porcelain doll from scratch not to mention custom made “Gone with the Wind” Barbie clothes when I was little. Apparently it’s in the genes. It just didn’t transfer to ME.

Recently, while unpacking into my new house, I came across an old tablet of watercolor paper and paints my mom had bought me about 15 years ago – mainly because I desperately wanted to attempt “art” but soon realized – I just sucked.

When I opened it, I was almost knocked over with horror and well, horror when I saw a “painting” I did when I was about 17 (?) – god, there are no words.

None.

Well, maybe grotesque. 

I obviously can’t make art.

You’ve been warned, peeps – here it is, in all it’s….errr, glory?

So, there’s that.

How do I explain this? Ummmmm. I am a former goth? I have no perception or idea of how to draw a human face? Not even sure if that was meant to be a man or a woman. And the palm tree? Must be a subconscious thing - I miss California :( Other than that - I can't even defend myself on this one.

And then, this past weekend, my daughter expressed her interest in doing a painting. So, I said, “why not?”

I was pretty pleased with the result. She is 3 and honestly, her first attempt far surpassed my own.

Here’s her's:

Abstract, for sure. I LOVE it.

Maybe one day I will try again. I just hope and pray that it doesn’t turn into something that gives others nightmares. But, then again, art is a personal thing and one man's nightmare is another's man art - right? 

Yeah, not mine. That's for sure.

Wall of Shame

Many years ago, one of my long time friends used to joke about (if) she ever had children, she would construct a "wall of shame" in her home that showcased all of the embarrassing and horrific photos of her child behaving badly.

When I heard her idea, I was not yet a mom but you better believe I laughed my ass off. Can you imagine? Your child as a teenager and them bringing home a date or friends and then leading them down the hallway to view their "wall of shame"? I giggle every time I think about it.

I never actually considered doing this to my own child. Then, I had Berlyn. She is an angel. *cough*...Usually. But when she isn't?  I do take pictures of her so she can see how ridiculous she is being/acting. It seems to work once she gets an eyeful of a hideous picture of herself. I know I learned MY lesson years ago from all the traumatic shots my mom had of me in family albums.

Will I really construct my own "Wall of Shame" for my daughter? Not sure yet. Only time will tell. Depends on how wild of a teenager she ends up being. Then, it will be my revenge.

I think being able to embarrass your child is a parent's right and more often than not, it is so fun.

Here are a few of my faves...and one day, will probably be some of Berlyn's least faves.

##$@%^% this beach, shit!

I don't wanna.

Please feed me, I am starving.

Haha!

Waking up is not so pretty.

Call me, OGB.

Haunted Mansion @ Disneyland. Obviously, not enjoying herself.

My Grumpy Valentine.

Hexed

Superstition. Hexed. Cursed.

These are words I sometimes contemplate. More than I should probably. Because, after all, there is no proof that these things exist or are in actuality happening to you.

But sometimes a girl wonders....

I previously posted about being superstitious - and now I am visiting this topic again. mainly because my string of bad luck seems to be wanting to stay - even though it is not welcome - and I am starting to freak out a little. Obviously, I can't help but think about a lot lately. What with the "bad things come in threes" and also, the fact that I have broken large mirrors several times in my life.

Like, seriously, how often does that happen to people?

Well, it's happened to me. Twice. And by my calculations, if all is true, then, that equals to 14 years of bad luck.

Craaaaaaap.

I am a very "spiritual" person; I use that term loosely because really I don't know what I am exactly. Sure, I believe in God, the teachings of Buddha and *gulp* parts of the Satanic Bible make good points (yes, I totally just said that!).

So, wouldn't being superstitious go hand in hand since I am basically a spiritual free-for-all? So, there. I believe in it and that's all that matters.

I believe in ghosts too. But, that's a story for another time.

All I care about is that whatever - or whomever - has hexed me, needs to stop it! Seriously. I am going to go insane, more than I already am.

I hate thinking about the fact that "bad things happen to good people" and nothing ever happens to the real bad ones - and some days, I truly wish I were a bad one. Because then karma would never pay me a visit.

A girl can hope.....sigh.

In the meantime - you probably oughta stay far, far away from me. 

You know you are a grown-up when....

Lately I am finding myself being more adult than usual. Sure, I still laugh at stupid, morbid crap, and I love to drool over hot guys just like the next girl. Annnnd, I may still indulge in a tantrum or two but overall, my immature and selfish days are over.

Here is a short list of how I know I have grown-up...

1. You own items of clothing that require dry-cleaning.

2. You'd rather stay "in" on a Friday/Saturday night, watch Nickelodeon or TLC instead of party.

3. You have thought about (or started) a "Five Year Plan." (Guilty)

4. You dream about purchasing furniture / appliances / electronics / decor rather than clothes. Or booze.

5. You choose friends based on the fact that they are: intelligent, nice, supportive, have lots in common with you and are actually going somewhere with their lives.

6. You've made a checklist of your ideal mate. And, turned down dates because the guy didn't meet the criteria.

7. You start to realize that people that are mean to you, talk badly about you or act like you mean nothing are really just jealous of you. Haters, keep on hatin'. =)

8. You realize there's more to life than gossip, sex or acting like a spoiled brat.

9. You start making travel plans to places like Paris, Italy and Japan. (YAY!)

10. You finally call all those creditors you have owed money to for years. And plan on paying them. For real.

Me vs. The United Kindom: Part Two

As I previously posted, I was beyond blessed with being able to visit the UK when I was 17. In Part One I discussed our trip there and the first few days in London. But, this post will be the good one. Trust me.
When we left Bath in England, I was pretty sad. I could have easily stayed the entire 2 weeks there but I also knew we were heading to Ireland soon. And that I could not pass up. But before we hit Ireland, we first had to venture through Wales and Scotland.

Driving into Wales was quite the experience. This was the first thing I saw –

That is a long ass bridge.

We stopped for lunch at this little eatery that was more or less some fast food place. But it was situated out in the middle of nowhere and was surrounded by lambs. Not even kidding. I ordered a BURGER but once I started to eat it I again had the feeling I wasn’t eating beef. I mentioned something to my Dad who then jokingly nodded towards the lambs out in the field – I nearly lost my lunch. To this day I have no clue what animal I was consuming.

Then we entered Cardiff Castle. There is nothing in the world comparable to being in a genuine castle. Especially knowing that it holds all sorts of history. This was one of the high points of our trip – being able to hang out in castles or at least, say I got to hang out in castles.

We found a quaint little B&B called The Pottery Inn in Blaenavon, Wales. The room my brother and I stayed in had all these weird occult books in it – and naturally, I swiped them. {I still own them actually.} Dinner was fantastic. Below our rooms was a restaurant and I enjoyed a fun evening with my family, playing the jukebox and OMG, I found the first smiling picture of me, maybe the only one! Naturally, being a major Goth at that time in my life, cemeteries were a total pleasure. I still get all giddy when I think about those old, creepy graveyards and you better believe I took a ton of pics. I just can’t find them right now.

The next day was one of the most memorable days in our 2 week adventure. My mom loves to be a tourist and not wanting to miss out on any of the local color, the 4 of us entered The Big Pit Mine.

I have already shared this story in one of my previous posts but will quickly recap it for you here. Basically, we were in a mine. To enter we had to wear helmets. And guess what? For all us American tourists, they offered to (oh yay!) take your picture. My mom jumped at the chance and before I could gather myself, our picture was snapped. I was just trying to overcome my shock at having to wear such an atrocity on my head and having the entire tour group stare at us. My exact thoughts were “Take the mother-fing picture and let’s get the hell outta this damn mine!!!” A few months later, that photo was sent out to about 100 family members and friends as our Christmas Photo for 1997. It continues to haunt me. (The picture is on my previous post, if you are at all curious….)

After the horrendous mine incident, we drove into the City of York. It was so….British. And I loved it. Street performers were everywhere, there was a giant, life-sized chess set for people to play and tons and tons of neat little shops.

We jumped back into our car and headed for Scotland. I’m not sure what time we had expected to arrive in Scotland that day but I am pretty sure we got lost. And I also vaguely remember us not being able to find one single place to stay for the night. My cloudy memory might be due to the fact that it was actually about 3AM (and after almost having to sleep in the car!) when we finally found one room in a Holiday Inn in Edinburgh. Apparently we came on the week of the Edinburgh Festival and every single hotel, motel and B&B was booked.

The morning started off with tons of rain and Edinburgh Castle. I was again in awe of the castle but not as much as my brother was. He was basically drooling over everything – especially in the gift shop – because this castle was all about William Wallace, aka Braveheart aka Mel Gibson. He was in seventh heaven. He got this cool dragon t-shirt (I remind you, he was about 13 years old) and I have caught him wearing it a few times in recent years. He is now 5’11″ and his beloved shirt has become a BELLY SHIRT. And he doesn’t seem to have a problem with that either. God, I love my brother.

One of my favorite parts of Scotland was going to Llandudno (by the sea) the next day. We stayed in yet another B&B and my only complaint was that there were tons of seagulls. Birds, most notably seagulls, and I are not friends.

Two days later we took a train and passed by this –LLANFAIRPWLLGWYNGYLLGOGERYCHWYRNDROBWLLLLANTYSILIOGOGOGOCH.

(No, I did not just pass out and smash my head on my keyboard, that’s the name of the town.)

They call it Llanfair.

And then, the Mother Ship: Ireland.

Among my many phobias (what can I say, I am a freak) besides birds, I am terrified of the ocean. I think it’s a combination of seeing “Jaws” one too many times and also, the sheer size and depth of large bodies of water scare me to death. I even went through a phase as a kid where I was afraid to go in our swimming pool (which was about 9 feet deep) because of sharks. I might have been 11 but I won’t say for sure. And I might have been insane.

We boarded a ferry called the “STENALINE”. Picture a giant “cruise ship” that is like a casino on water. There were games and McDonald’s so I managed to get through it alright.

We entered Dun Laoghaire Harbor and soon we were in DUBLIN!!!

It’s important to note that my mother is an O’Connell. Ireland is crawling with them. Our original family is from County Cork, Ireland to be exact. Her family is Catholic & some of my distant relatives were even nuns. Yeah – it’s hilarious if you have spent any time with me that my ancestors were nuns. It cracks me up.

Dublin had my favorite B&B out of all of them. It was an old Victorian style home that was decorated very European. The only drawback was that there was ONE bathroom in the whole place. So, people had to share. I can’t tell you how freaked out I was to even take a shower for fear of someone bursting through the door. I managed to swipe some more goodies – in a drawer in my room were several UK fashion magazines, which at the time were a huge obsession of mine. Hey, I was a bit of a klepto, I admit it.

Which leads me to the end all, be all high point of our trip: and yes, I am being 100% sarcastic.

For some reason, that first morning in Ireland, I was not in a good mood. Maybe my eyeliner didn’t go on right, maybe my hair was frizzing out from the weird humidity, maybe my ass was hanging out of my dress – who knows. All I remember is that I was irritated.

As we walked down the street to catch the bus for a day of sight-seeing, I erupted into the loudest “FUCK” I have ever said in my life. Not even sure why I said it. Maybe I had a burst of turrets or something. All I know is that it happened in front of my parents and brother. And….. in front of 2 nuns.

You could hear crickets, it was so quiet. The nuns walked past, looking at me. After a moment, my Mom brushed past me and didn’t speak to me for a good part of the day. I guess I don’t blame her. That was pretty inappropriate, even for me.

Unfortunately on that same day, we were supposed to take a family photo at the cool, gothic cemeteries in Ireland and use it as our Christmas card that year. Well, none of us were talking to each other (uh, pretty sure it had to do with the nuns) so we never got that photo. And this is why The Mine picture came back to bite me in the ass.

After getting my vulgar outburst out-of-the-way, I ended up in a great mood. We walked around Dublin, saw O’Connell bridge, some cool street paintings, and wow, I smiled again!

On our last night in Ireland – we all went out to dinner. I remember 2 things about that night. The food was expensive and delicious (prime rib, I think) and as we walked back to our B&B in the dusk of an Irish evening, a very drunk guy standing in line in front of a pub hollered at me “SCHWING!!!”.

I wanted to die. I couldn’t believe it. Good ol’ Wayne’s World. Thankfully my parents laughed. Thank. God.

The end was pretty uneventful. We got back on the ferry, back to London for one more night and then, we flew home.

A few days after we came home, on August 31st, Princess Diana was killed. Even though her accident and death occurred in Paris, I watched the news coverage of London and the Palace and was not only grief-stricken but thankful we had come home before it happened.

London was a ZOO.

I can’t even imagine what our trip would have been like had we been there then.

We had been back in Idaho for a few days when, I was driving my Dad’s 4 Runner in downtown Boise and was dropping my Aunt off at an appointment. I turned onto a street and a few seconds later my aunt screamed at me “YOU’RE DRIVING ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!” Scared the bejesus outta me. Guess those 2 weeks sitting behind my Dad driving in the UK rubbed off on me.

Me vs. The United Kindom: Part One

For someone like myself, who considers travel to be one of the most important things in life, I have only traveled outside of the country once. (I haven’t even been to Canada or Mexico.) But, I have been to over half of the States in the US, so don’t feel sorry for me.

Among my many, many future destinations are: Italy, Paris, Prague, Japan & Denmark. Oh, and can’t forget New Orleans, NYC and Austin.

Let me bring you back to 1997. I was 17. My parents took my brother and I to the UK, as a sort of trek through our family genealogy, on my Mom‘s side. Had it been my Dad’s side – we would have gone to Greece or Germany. But on our UK trip, we visited all the prominent places “we” were from: England, Scotland, Wales & Ireland. It was amazing.

Unfortunately, the trip was not very fun at the time due to several things:

*I was 17.

*It was 100 DEGREES. One zero zero. The UK was having a major, unforeseen, heat wave that we were not dressed for. And, you ever heard of ICE, people?

*I had just been dumped by my hot, model boyfriend – 3 days before we left.

*I was PMS-ing.

*I was 17.

And really, 2 weeks in a rental car + tiny inn rooms with your parents? Not too great.

But, I appreciate the chance that I had to even GO there & I can’t ever thank my parents enough. Seriously, I am beyond grateful (now.)

After the 17 hour flight, complete with screaming child on board and “It’s no Good” by Depeche Mode and “Return of the Mack” by Mark Morrison playing on repeat the entire time, we emerged into Gatwick Airport. Talk about a zoo. Once we left the airport, we boarded a train for like, another hour it seemed. OMG, would it ever end?! Then, Victoria Station in London. It was nearly everything I expected it to be. The streets of London look exactly like what you would think they do. And people drive like mad! We jumped into a little “taxi” and barely squeezed our luggage in – I’m sure they thought – “Wow, those Americans…they brought everything but the kitchen sink.” Our stay began at the Vanderbilt Hotel. I loved it but, not at first. All I wanted was a shower. Unfortunately, it was a wooden bathtub (?@!) which I promptly hit my toe on and sat on the floor, crying. I thought it was broken. My mom was all ready to go sight-seeing. Uh, no – I don’t think so. I crashed on the bed while my family did….something or other. I was having my first real experience with jet lag. Add to this, the heat was unbearable and they had NO air conditioning. We had to have fans brought up to our room.

The following day, I felt better. We spent the entire day riding a good ol’ double-decker all around London on a sight-seeing tour. We stopped at the Tower of London – did I mention the place was crawling with….ravens?! Definitely not my cup of tea (birds are a huge phobia of mine). Then came Piccadilly Circus, and a few more sights. I noticed that (unfortunately) all the guys there were not cute….at all. Major. Bummer. I fully expected them to be gorgeous British sexbombs but, nope. And all the girls were super skinny. Weird.

We decided to have dinner at the Hard Rock Cafe. I was elated! Our meal was fantastic (cheeseburgers and sodas….WITH ICE.) and we “oohed and ahhed” over all the pictures of rock stars. And yes, I knew who every single one was. They don’t call me the Trivia Queen for nothing! As we were leaving, I forgot that there were steps to get back to the main level and I fell…on my ass. I just sat there stunned in front of about 100 dinner guests. Scrambling up, I bolted out the door with my Mom laughing her butt off behind me. Not my best moment.

The next day we took a rental car through the English countryside. Of course, we hit Stonehenge.

I wish I’d enjoyed it more. But, I was pissy. And to give you some proof of how pissed off I was during this trip? Here’s the pic of me, my brother and my Mom. Note the pure indifference on my face? That was because my brother insisted on wearing his Hard Rock Cafe t-shirt on the same day I was wearing mine. Um, hello?! We look like freaking tourists!!! And I am pretty sure my mom was wearing a fanny pack. Uh – no comment.

Bath was our next stop and, my favorite. It was a little English town meant to look like Rome. It’s where the Roman Baths and the Bath Abbey are located. Most notably is that it is the site of Jane Austen‘s girlhood home, where she did much of her famous writing. The bed and breakfast we stayed in had an amazing view and I felt like I was in a British novel just staying there. However, I was majorly disappointed in the McDonald’s. It tasted nothing like the ones in America. Not even sure it was beef…

I could have very easily stayed in Bath the entire 2 weeks, but we had many more places to visit! If I ever decide to move to Europe and Paris doesn’t work out? Bath it is! However, I was embarrassed to see that in all the photos taken in Bath I am still glaring into the camera like I was to smash it. My only excuse? See my above reasons for being pissy….Haha!

Stay Tuned for PART TWO – which includes all our fun in Scotland, Wales and….Ireland!

Here’s a Thought…

It seems like every. single. day I (guiltily) peruse the gossip shows, rags and blogs and see another Hollywood/celebrity break-up. Or another train wreck.

I have quite a few opinions and words of advice. Because after all, I’m entitled as an American to share my two cents.

Recently “poor little” Taylor Swift finds herself dumped….again. And, by phone. (Who cares?!) The exact words on Perezhilton.com were “Awwww. Poor thing.” Um – here’s a thought: TRY NOT DATING. TRY BEING SINGLE FOR AWHILE. TRY FINDING YOURSELF AND FULFILLING SOME GOALS WITHOUT A MAN. TRY BEING A GOOD ROLE MODEL FOR ALL THE YOUNG GIRLS LOOKING UP TO YOU. You are 21 years old. You’ve got all the time in the world. Don’t turn into a co-dependent, needy girl who feels she has to have a man to be someone. Seriously – you’re rich. And famous. And pretty. What the hell? You need some guy to make you feel complete?

I have recently succumbed to the dreaded reality show obsession. Not all of em because I seriously can’t stand The Bachelor, the dancing/singing shows and any of those ridiculous wedding ones. Ick. What I do find myself drawn into? The Housewife shows. Dammit; I thought I was safe.

Camille Grammer – are you really trying to back pedal now? You spent an entire season being a total egotistical, high n mighty, immature, stuck up snob and now you want people to feel sorry for you? Oh – your husband was cheating on you. Do you blame him? Get a clue, woman.

A special shout-out to “Dr. Drew.” Shut the hell up, dude. I can’t even believe how pompous and big-mouthed you are. Are you even a real doctor? (I checked; he is. Crap.)

Telling celebs that you have never even met or spoken to that a) they are alcoholics and heroin addicts and b) that their relationships are doomed and c) that you will “frame” a celeb to get them to go into treatment is not your place. Go back to Loveline and your MTV show, doofus. (Celebs in question: Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, Sebastian Bach and Lindsay Lohan..and I am sure there are others.)

And my personal favorite – Lindsay Lohan. I actually love her. I feel sorry for her and I think people are too rough on her. The girls got issues, duh. A crappy upbringing and too much, too soon will always turn out this way. Anyone remember Drew Barrymore in the early 90s? Yeah. So, yes Lindsay has made a whole buttload of mistakes – and I truly believe she will make it. But my advice? Stay the hell out of cars and stay the hell out of bars until you have been sober for at least 30 days. Hey, maybe move out of Hollywood and try to get your life together.

Oh, and Lady Gaga - your music is amazing. I think you are uber-talented. But you aren’t Madonna and you certainly aren’t Bono. Keep your meat dresses and your “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” speeches to yourself. And invest in some serious skin care products or something. You are 24 and look 44.

I could honestly go all day with this but I'll stop. I think it’s safe to say you can now call me “Dr. Sarah.” Ooooooh; I like that! I am not a real doctor but one day, with my psych degree, I too can talk openly and unsolicited about celebs and others – and still be able to sleep at night.

Survey Says

Saw a survey just like this over on another blog – and felt like it would be fun to do. It’s been awhile since I’ve done any sort of “survey.”

1. What word or phrase would you like to see banished from our everyday vocabulary in 2011?

I overuse a lot of words – “like”, “totally”, “Omg” – I am pretty much a walking Valley girl. So – not those ones.
The words I can’t stand? Basically any of the negative/sexist words for women that we try to pass off as “liberating” and “funny” – they aren’t. These would include: slut, whore, bitch, etc. Why do grown woman call each other these names, even for fun? It baffles me. Oh, and talking like a “gangsta”. Um – please stop.

2. Do you consider opportunity something that comes to you or something you create for yourself?

It most definitely is both. Certain opportunities present themselves to you if you are on the right path or even, seeking them out. But for the most part, I think we create it. We are always in control of what happens to us. Unless of course you’re talking about an earthquake or the Apocalypse.

3. Since we’re all eating healthy this month, ahem, what’s included in your favorite salad? Is there dressing?

Not much of a salad fan. (Although, I could easily consume an entire bottle of Blue Cheese if I had too.) When I eat “healthy” it consists of my buddies Slim-Fast, Special K and Lean Cuisine. It’s the only sure-fire way I ever lose weight.

4. Do you get the blues this time of year and if so what is something you do to lift your spirits?

Nope, not really. Although I hate hate hate the cold. I am a true weather snob because I was blessed with being raised in Southern California and I was spoiled with 70-ish degree weather all the time.

Besides the weather, I always feel vastly motivated in the first few months of the year – mainly in anticipation of what’s to come. And this year – it is gonna be FABULOUS!!!

5. Do you wear a watch? Any other everyday jewelry essentials?

I wear close to zero amounts of jewelry. Usually only small diamond studs in my ears. And there is a reason I don’t wear anything else – long ago I had “borrowed” a bunch of my mom’s rings and was wearing one on each finger. I boarded a Downtown LA bus one day (gross!) and got my hand caught between the seat and the wall – I think I had dropped something? Anyways, when I pulled my hand back up, all the rings came off and were lost forever in the dirty bus’ vortex somewhere beneath the seat. And it was my stop – so I left them there. Only later did I found out, some of the rings were irreplaceable. So, I don’t wear things I can lose. God help me when (and if) I get married!

6. What is something useful you learned in high school?

I learned how to form my ideals, beliefs and opinions and not let others sway me. I learned that those snotty, immature, mean girls are going to grow up and have a crappy life. (Well, if karma is kind, they will. Haha. Kidding.) And I learned to be myself and realize that people will always be mean, judgemental and ignorant. School is a great precursor to the real world. Oh, and that math crap? You never use it. Trust me, I do accounting and you don’t.

7. Do you use an accountant when completing and filing your income tax returns or do you attempt to muddle through all by yourself?

Speaking of accounting. I do it all by myself. It’s so easy….and so liberating!

8. Insert your own random thought here-

Just one? Okay – right now – I am having the most difficult time being PATIENT. God! I feel like I am about to jump out of my skin, I am on pins and needles about 3 different things. I hate waiting. I just want a f&(*ing answer – now!

(Update: I got one answer yesterday. And it was a good one.)

31 is almost 40, ya know.

My post title? Yeah....those were the kind words my Dad offered to me regarding my birthday. Thanks Dad. Really. You shouldn't have.

This past week was Thanksgiving week. It was also my birthday week. I had something planned every single day, which rarely, if ever, happens to me. Although a few of my plans fell through and I wasn't in the *greatest* of moods, it was still so much fun.

Monday:
The week started off with me tuning into Skating w/ the Stars and watching Vince Neil's performance that evening (see previous post: Rather Boring Update). My god. I was like an epileptic on a hot tin roof. I guess I had my face all contorted or something and was squealing like a pig because Berlyn asked me, rather alarmed "What's wrong, Momma?" Hahahaha. I was just nervous for Vince. I get that way about my Motley boys. I make fun of them relentlessly but I am fiercely protective. Basically, I will cut you if you talk crap. I'm a freak...I know.

Tuesday:
My birthday. Turning 31 felt a wee bit more terrifying than 30. I don't know why. Maybe because turning 30 was a milestone, and now being IN my actual 30s is just depressing. (Not to mention that sweet comment my Dad made.) The truth is I still get mistaken for being 21. No joke. I haven't really aged much in the last 10 years. I am so thankful but also know, it could change any minute. I could be the Cryptkeeper tomorrow. But my morning was off to a good start. As I walked through our living room Berlyn decided to sing "Happy Birthday" to me. Now, if you haven't had the privilege to hear my little one sing...you are missing out. She's got the most perfect little baby chipmunk voice and she can completely carry a tune. I'm almost tempted to turn into one of those show biz moms and get her into Hollywood. Almost. I admit, I signed into Facebook just to see how many people wished me Happy Birthday. And I wasn't disappointed. I got some rather funny posts; even a video serenade by one of my favorite people! And I was left feeling like I was truly loved. Nothing feels better than that. My best friend posted EIGHT posts for me, hahaha. I think she was excited it was my birthday. What a sweetie. Not to mention the gift she is sending me is going to top them all....stay tuned!

The downside of the day? I ran out of cigarettes and was unable to enjoy a smoke. I know, boohoo. It's a gross habit and I should quit but dammit, it was my birthday. I deserved a stupid cigarette. Can you tell I am cranky about this? Well, I am. Normally my birthday doesn't mean anything to me. I've had very few birthdays that were actually enjoyable. Let alone had a party for. The last GREAT birthday party I ever had? It was in 1992 and one of my junior high friends threw me a party at a pizzeria where we were all kicked out of after we messed with the volume controls on the jukebox and resulted in Guns N Roses "Get in the Ring" blasting as loudly as a jet. Of course this was a family establishment and if you know the actual words to "Get in the Ring"? Well then....you get it. It was rad. Anyways major tangent....sorry....my birthday dinner this year consisted of some of my family: my Mom, my Dad, my brother, Cari and Berlyn.  And, my favorite meal (my mom's spaghetti, garlic bread and salad). Other than that, it was laid-back and not much ballyhoo. Fine by me. Oh, we also got a video of me being sung "Happy Birthday" (again) by Berlyn and her also making sure I unwrapped my presents the way she wanted to = in 5 seconds.

Berlyn and I, 11.23.10

Wednesday:
I was irritated for some reason, immediately. Probably because I was broke, hadn't had a cigarette in 48 hours and the roads were crap. Add to that it was about 9 degrees outside.
I did a lot of cleaning in preparation for our Thanksgiving meal. But things quickly turned around.  In the evening, I got ready for a night out with my brother, sister in law and their friends. My brother Sean has been a musician for years. And, a rather talented one at that. Many years ago this sweet guy was in his band and one of his best friends. He's now all grown up (kinda) and in his very own band here in Boise called The Forgotten. We all trekked down to The Knitting Factory (where I have seen, oh about 20+ shows in past years) and enjoyed a rather rowdy time! I came to the realization that being at concerts and around musicians is when I am truly in my element. I need to explore this more....lol. Gotta get working on that "marrying a rock star" thing. I ran into my friend of 10 years, Shane; I got hit on by young and old men (even getting sucked into a mini therapy session with an old biker who had recently been dumped...got to put my Psych skills to work!) and ended the night watching "The Lost Boys", eating Taco Bell and lying by my brother's fireplace. Sigh....was a good night.

My beautiful sis in law and I, 11.24.10

My brother, sis in law, Logan and I, 11.24.10

Logan is the one we went to see and support. Love him!

Thursday:
Thanksgiving! My morning began by a) eating a delicious raspberry and creme pastry, b) watching Kylie Minogue (and others) on the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, c) getting furious with my stupid laptop (hello, 2 weeks before finals is NOT the time to crap out on me!) and d) smelling the cooking onions that 4 years prior were the final hint that maybe I was pregnant! {I was insanely nauseous and couldn't figure out why. The very next day...I took the test and BAM! Baby on the way.} 
This is the first year I have not had Berlyn with me. I went ahead and let her Dad have her for several days as his family was in town and I felt like it was a good idea. It feels so disorienting to not have your child on a major holiday but....I got to be a grown-up again, participate in the conversations and the wine drinking. Another clue I am an official grown-up? (Hahaha, at 31 I should hope so...) -- I spent the evening alone in my room, listening to jazz and writing my last 2 papers and portfolio for school. And watching "Niagara" with Marilyn Monroe while sipping a glass of wine. I am such a party animal.

My Dad and I on Thanksgiving

Eating with my cousin, aunt and uncle!

Friday:
I was supposed to have this day "off" and go with my parents to take a winery tour; something I've wanted to do for a loooong time. But, Berlyn's dad wasn't able to keep her for the day so I spent it at home, with my girl. I couldn't believe I was actually able to eat a bite today. I have never ate more than I did this Thanksgiving. Diet is being started......now!

Only one month until Christmas! I can't wait.

Much love,
Sarah

Writer's Workshop: Halloween Memories

What is your most memorable Halloween memory/story/costume? Tell us about it.

For as long as I can remember, Halloween has been my favorite holiday. Since childhood I have been fascinated, obsessed and enthralled by everything supernatural or horror-related. My earliest memories are of watching "Poltergeist", writing stories about my great-grandpa's "haunted house" or reading those "Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark" books for pre-teens. I naturally, have an affinity for vampires and witches. And, I also have naturally (almost) black hair. When I was 16, working as a cashier at MacFrugals, a little girl said loudly, to her Mother "That lady looks like a witch, Mommy!". Gee, you think so?

I could go on for literally, hours on this subject. But, I'll spare you.

Which brings me to my assignment:
What was my most memorable Halloween?

Well, mine was about 2 years ago. I had just had my daughter and needed to, not only, get out of the house but also felt the need to get back into all the goth-y and freaky things I once was such a fan of. I talked my sister-in-law, Cari into going to the local "HAUNTED WORLD" out in the fields of Idaho. It's one of those creepy mazes in a cornfield with tons of special effects, creatures in costumes that follow you (with chainless chainsaws) and all that kind of stuff. It's great; I love it. Cari...not so much. We were out in the middle of a cornfield, following the dark, muddy path along with a group of other thrill-seekers. I couldn't see a damn thing. And then, we heard the chainsaw off in the distance. Cari FREAKED. We had been linked by our arms but she threw hers up in the air, while sending me and my purse flying into the cornfield. She took off like a rocket. I was left scrambling, trying to find my purse..with my car keys, ID and phone in the muddy blackness. People kept passing me as I walked deeper into the cornfield trying despretely to find my little black purse.

Finally, my hands found it and I was over-joyed. And relieved. We were out in the middle of about 40 acres of corn & dirt. But, "we" wasn't correct. Cari was gone. Now I had the task of trying to find her. I jogged up the path, all while dodging psychopaths and werewolves trying to find my sister-in-law. Seeing her nowhere nearby, I started calling her name "Cari, Cari!". This caused a bigger problem. People started curling away from me and screaming, like I was part of the attraction. What the....? Oh, I get it. "Carrie"..like the Stephen King book/movie. I was, after all, in a scene directly out of "Children of the Corn". Duh.

I did find her. And, we laughed our butts off at what had happened. I went the following year with some friends and, trust me, I hung onto my friend as tightly as I could and...I did not bring my purse.

This year? It's all about Berlyn. As it should be.
My last Halloween was a little hedonistic, even for me. What happened you ask? Let's just put it this way: I danced and drank the night away, all whilst making out with a 50 year old guy who's costume was "Junkie Spice" *shudder* and then, losing my glued on fangs (I was a vampire) while dancing with a really cute guy. He left me on the dance floor.

It was quite an evening.

Good Advice.

I'm seriously laughing out loud at this because, well, it's so right on.

Things Kids Say

My daughter. Wow, she is funny.

As we were driving home last evening, she peered up at the sun, squinting and laughing. I said, like a robot "Don't look at it directly; it will hurt your eyes!" Haha. How many times did we hear that growing up? It's totally involuntary to repeat things like that sometimes.
So, what did she do? She looked right at it and then turned to me, sobbing "It hurt my eyes Momma!"

She is OBSESSED with bugs. Oh lord, really? Flies especially. But, obsessed in the sense that she wants to hunt & kill them. Thank God. One of her favorite items to play with these days is a fly swatter. *shudder* It's disgusting, I know, but it brings her so much joy! She now says "Slap" everytime she gets one and then squeals with glee. The simple things (like killing) make her happy apparently.

And, as every parent probably feels...I hate having to spank her. But, I must sometimes. Trust me, she's got a 'tude like you would not believe.
It's hard to be upset with her though when she yells at me "No Momma, that's MY BUTT!!!"

Lol. You just have to laugh.

Yes Please!

Why, Gael....thank you for your invitation to 'join you on the patio for some summer cocktails!' I will be there in 5 MINUTES!!! :) (*see tiny print at bottom of ad. And, no I haven't lost my mind. Yet.)

All I know...the man is a HOTTIE. Can he be cloned?

"Mama, Feed me!!!"

My little girl is very healthy. Just look at her. She could be a baby linebacker already.

But, just recently she has discovered how to open the refrigerator. Uh-oh.

Last night, she helped herself to eggs (not hard-boiled), 2 slices of bread AND an entire bag of apricots my boss gave me.

I snapped a few pics to document the hilarity.

This morning, she once again grabbed the bread & wolfed down an entire slice, while proclaiming "Yummy Bread!!!" Haha. Kids. Gotta love em.

Which John Water's Character are you?

You are: Dawn Davenport (from John Waters 1974 film "Female Trouble", played by the drag queen actor Divine.)


"You are a superstar in your own mind and we'd love to see you model! You're a thief and a sh*t kicker and you'd like to be famous! Family is always getting in the way for you whether it's children or in-laws. Can't they see how pretty their mother is? Don't they envy you? It's a hard road for you Davenports but in the end you will transcend and we will write books about you and include sketches of every outfit you've ever worn!"

Blast from the Past! 90's Edition

***I am literally DYING of laughter right now....laughing at myself. Omg, wow. I was funny! I wanted to do a writing prompt, and this one looked fun...but the pics are just too much!

"What did you imagine yourself being like when you were older? Write about it." (I chose to show pictures instead of write about it...it's funner that way. Yes, I said funner.)

Oh, to be 11 years old again. 1991, I miss you so. And, FYI, I am being completley and totally serious, people. Mock me, if you will.


I wanted to look like this:




I wanted this car:



I wanted this guy:



(yes, that is a guy.)

This is the music I listened to nonstop:



These were the clothes I envisoned myself wearing:




This was the place I wanted to live:





This was my favorite tv show (in addition to "Married with Children"):