Write a Book! No, seriously.

I've been trying to do this for, like, 15 years. HA HA.

Here's hoping I actually make some strides (or strokes? teehee) this November!

I will post my progress for you all.....promise =)

Activism

 

This really says it all. 

BE A MOSQUITO!

 

I posted this photo on my Facebook this morning. It really spoke to me and I felt like it was something others needed to see. It always amazes me how, when you bare your soul and your innermost feelings; most people are right there with you. Feeling the same thing, and happy to know someone else is as well. I have long kept my "feelings" to myself because I've been criticised for being too emotional or sensitive. But, I no longer apologize. And I know there are so many of you out there who feel THE SAME ♥

We've all got obstacles....but how we tackle them and get through them is the true indicator of our character.

Punching Bags are a Wonderful X-Mas Gift.

Expectations are useless. Especially if they are of other people. My new motto?  

“FUCK ‘EM. Take care of yourself. The end.”

{Sorry, that was a little harsh but, well, it needed to be said.}

The list of “stresses” I have in my own life is about 5 pages long. Will I share them with you?

Hell no.

Sorry, no offense, but my problems are not YOUR problems and it’s pointless to burden others(you)with your (my)own negativity.

Something to remember though, and I always come back to this ---------- >

(*There are so many people I wish I could share that above photo with. Seriously. Just cram it down their throat. I know, personally, it's made me stop short and want to slap myself upside my OWN head.)

Let’s just say: Stress is NOT my friend. I got some advice from my nearest and dearest recently on how they deal with stress since I am so obviously clueless. My favorite response, by far, was from my sister in law. 

“Punching bags.”

Oh, lord that would be heaven. Who wants to buy me an an early Christmas gift? Anyone?

But, the one that kept coming up was pretty simple.... Breathing. Relaxing, Peace. Meditation.

Do you have any idea how often I’ve dreamed of this unattainable world of peace?!?!

*More times than I’ve thought of naughty time with Criss Angel*

I have lingered around the Buddhist teachings (loosely) in the past and always, ALWAYS come back to them. I think it's a beautiful culture....a beautiful practice, and one that very definitely needs to be a part of my own life.

So, today, at my own personal breaking point – I made a sign - and I am not sharing it with you because, well, it sucks. I have the artistic skills of a 2nd grader. It reads:

"Mommy is Meditating."

Will it work?

Let’s hope for the sake of all the little children (namely, Berlyn), it does.

Namaste!

In Support

...of Mental Illness Awareness Week.

Be sure to visit www.nami.org

Probably the single most inspiring quote I've seen...

NAMI Boise Walk

This past Saturday, my mom, my daughter, myself and 2 of my friends, walked in support of the National Alliance on Mental Illness in Boise, Id. I had wanted to do this walk, but with all the personal crap going on, I neglected to complete the sign up, and make the plans. Typical. But I didn't count on my amazing mother to do it for me and organize a team and a time for us to actually DO IT.

How lucky am I? =)

We completed the 3K and along the way, met up with an old friend of our family, Linda (who is the mother of Jeret "Speedy" Peterson, who recently took his own life.) We met Linda about 15 years ago when we first moved to Idaho and she was our family's nurse. I have never met someone as self-less and kind as her and, until today, didn't put two and two together to realize she was Jeret's mom. (Boise is so small!). Needless to say, it was wonderful to see her beautiful face.

 

Walking in support of this cause was especially important to MY family. 

Our team was called "3 Generations." Our family has suffered mental illnesses on both sides. We hope to put the kibosh on yet another generation (aka my daughter) having to deal with mental illness; the stigma and the anguish that goes along with it.

Activism is definitely an interest of mine, especially when it hits so close to home.

 

Please support NAMI here: www.nami.org

D I Y. What a concept.

I am SO SO excited about all the ideas and inspiration I have been getting over at www.pinterest.com.

I literally feel like I could be Martha Stewart - but, wayyyyyy cooler - if i really wanted to be.

But, it probably won't happen. I am a Sagittarius after all and we are well, flakes.

I do intend to do some of the easier projects though very, very soon.

Like, this:

dresser drawer = dollhouse!

And, this:

spray painted plates and goblets = serving tray

And, this:

cereal canister = car trash can

And, this:

old suitcases = nightstand

And maybe even THIS:

ugly dresser = work of art

Oh, and this (I snapped this pic at the Art in the Park in Boise, ID - it's not from pinterest.):

*You do need an invite to get onto Pinterest so I hope you can find someone to invite you. Or, if I like you, I'll gladly send you one -teehee! =)

In addition to Pinterest, I found a site that I will probably visit every day.  And maybe add to myself in the future!

Better After does the whole "before/after" thing but I was astonished by some of the ideas. WHERE do people come up with this stuff?! Needless to say, after about an hour of perusing their website, I a) couldn't get to sleep because of all the ideas that were zipping through my head and b) kept waking up to look at all the furniture in my house and plan their "makeovers" meticulously. 

I think this is the beginning of a beautiful obsession. ♥

Many people today believe that cynicism requires courage. Actually, cynicism is the height of cowardice. It is innocence and open-heartedness that requires the true courage — however often we are hurt as a result of it.


- Erica Jong

Shine on, you crazy diamonds.

I'm starting a new segment here at Baby B and Me. 

I am constantly amazed at the power of positive thinking and deeper meaning someone can attain from "thinking outside the box." I do this a lot - sometimes to the point that it drives me batty. But, it's good for the soul.

I stumbled across this list of 50 "questions that will free your mind" the other day and wow, it had my brain going like a turbo jet. I was actually itching to start answering some of these questions but thought, why not pick a few and share them here? That way, you can all try them for yourselves!

Today, I am posing this question:

"If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?"

My answer would be, don't ever let someone bring you down. 

Yeah yeah, its broad and pretty general but what it really means, to me anyways, is there are always going to be people who want to hurt you, see you fail, see you fall and create conflict. Some people can't handle seeing others happy. So, they will try and tear you down.

Don't. let. them.

Always love yourself, always greet tomorrow with a fresh heart and head and *wait for it* keep calm and carry on, baby!

That's my two cents for today.

Hope you all are enjoying the beginnings of Spring! 

Zen is In.

I had been looking forward to this day for about a month or so. Having long been fascinated and curious about other religions - especially the middle eastern ones - I jumped at the chance to attend a service or a "sangha."

My reasons were both personal and academic. One of my classes required me to attend a "cultural or ethnic community event" and write about it. Um, in Boise? Yeah, sure. But after hearing the mention of a Buddhist temple here I made some calls and amazingly enough, found that one of my mom's best friends goes to it. It worked out perfectly!

The day before she told me to wear "comfy clothes that I could sit in."

I panicked a little. I only wear jeans. Or black work pants - that is IT. And in my mind I was trying to picture what people that go to a Buddhist temple wear. A friend of mine on FB joked that I needed a cloak with a hood. Har Har.

Obviously, I am so not a new age-ish type person. I have black hair, wear dramatic makeup and nearly every article of clothing I own is, of course, black. After dressing in my BCBG "sweatpants" (black) and my zip up hoodie (black) and my comfy boots (black) I set out for the temple. I felt like a total SLOB/FREAK. Not an uncommon feeling for me actually. Thank god I didn't run into anyone I knew. Which in Boise - is next to impossible to do.

Once inside, I was met with incense, tea and chiming bells. I took off my jacket and my shoes and then grabbed a round purple cushion to sit on. The teacher was an older lady with a nice smile sitting cross-legged in a chair at the front of the room. She had a singing bowl - the thing that chimes - and I immediately knew I wanted one. The sound it emits is so calming. Of course, days later when I went in search of one I found out - the cheap ones are about $100!!!!! Yeah, I'll pass.

The first part of the service was following along in a booklet and reading aloud - sort of a chant called "Shantideva's Committment to the Awakened Mind." It took nearly 15 minutes to get through the whole thing but there was something cool about reading aloud with 20 other people - sort of a synergy in the air.

After the reading, it was time to meditate. I was looking forward to this most of all. With the high level of stress and drama in my daily life, not to mention NOISE, I knew I would benefit greatly from some solitude and quiet.
It didn't disappoint. As I sat there, with my eyes closed and my legs crossed indian style, I couldn't believe how peaceful I felt just after a few minutes. As time went on, I realized, how eerily quiet the room had gotten. Just to double check, I squinted my eyes to peer around. Yep, there were still 20 people in here. But they (and I) were dead silent. amazing. This went on for 20 minutes - felt like an eternity. a part of my brain kept expecting to hear Berlyn screaming or my phone ringing or worse, Spongebob's hideous laugh. But, nada.
I began to feel weightless and a bit sleepy. I started to daydream about doing this sort of thing every day at home. But I quickly came back to reality when I remembered the 3 year old who resides with me.

Once the meditation was over, the chiming bells were sounded. We got up, went to the ladies room, walked around their bookstore and then came back to indulge in hot tea and cookies. My friend I had attended with made a joke that these services always reminded her of AA meetings - everyone standing around, drinking tea and chatting. I had to agree - it had that aura about it.

After our break, we took our seats again on our fluffy, purple cushions. This time, the teacher talked and I felt incredibly moved.
Unlike sermons I have been to all throughout my life - Lutheran, Catholic, Nazarene, Christian - this one felt real and true. Well, it felt like me. I understood her, I felt able to relate and most importantly, I did not feel judged.

I look forward to returning one day. But, in the meantime, I am in the process of setting up my own "meditation area" in my new home. I know on stressful days - or even, on days I feel grateful and thankful - I will sit in silence, smell the incense and focus on my blessings and all the good things in life.

To be continued!

Packing.

Several years back, I think it was 2001 or 2002, I moved 8 times. EIGHT. My father dubbed me “The Gypsy Queen” and I can’t say that I hated the nickname.

I have recognized a pattern in my life since then; one of moving, changing, evolving, never settling. This always reminds me of my childhood when I was running away and never felt “stable” or at peace. I constantly felt a pull or a need to keep trying something new and different.

My biggest passion is to travel and explore. The World, really. And often I feel this is why I’ve never a) found a true home or b) found a true soul mate. 

As I am packing up my life (aka possessions) once again this weekend, I can’t help but feel excited and hopeful, like I always do in these situations. The hope of something bigger and better around the corner.

I doubt I will ever have true roots set down anywhere. And that thought doesn’t scare me; it encourages me. I am a Bohemian at my very core. 

Even being a parent, this hasn't deterred my true nature and I know this will only benefit Berlyn one day. I want her to see things and experience things others haven't. It is possible to raise a child with structure AND adventure, regardless of what anyone says.

In the words of U2, I still haven’t found what I’m looking for….and it feels good to me.

Moving...along nicely.

Every time I start over, I hope it's going to all work out.

Does it? Rarely. But, I keep on trying. I think of myself as being that girl who continually puts her hand on a stove to see if it's hot and keeps trusting and hoping but keeps getting hurt.

Regardless, I don't care. I'll be that way until I die and I would never change that about myself.

So, with great excitement I am announcing wonderful new changes in mine and Berlyn's lives. It's not gigantic or earth-shattering by any means, but well, it's good. And I am excited so...*sticks tongue out*

We are moving into a new house. Granted, it's a rental and it's not in the town I had hoped to live one day but, for now, it works and it will be perfect.

Oh, and the house was built in 1915. Um, so cool! It's so vintage and tailor-made for me because of my love of vintage. The possibilities are endless in this new abode and I can't wait to decorate, paint, buy retro pieces and more. I definitely could be an interior decorator if the Psychology thing didn't pan out.

*I have to mention, I asked the landlord if the house was haunted. He was dead silent for a long time and just stared at me. I still don't know if his silence meant "yes, it is haunted" or "this girl is a whack job." 

Speaking of, school has been horrific. Out of my 5 classes, I am pretty sure I am failing 2 and 1 hangs in the balance but, I knew I was taking on too much and it has now been proven. I guess I can't do everything. Next semester, I am taking some cake classes - and only 2 - so I should be able to recharge and go nuts in the Fall.

And, such is my life, things constantly surprise me when I least expect them too. The job I have had for only 2 months has proven to be a godsend. Not only do I love LOVE my co-workers, I am already on the fast track to a promotion, a raise and who knows what else! The money is nothing to laugh at either.

Finally. I am getting some kind of recognition for my skills and all my hard work. It is so exhilarating!

I can't wait to start posting about my new home and all the neat stuff still to come in 2011. No matter what hurdles I have to jump, I always know things have a funny way of working out.

PS: In even better news, my ex and I are on the road to working out some things. It's been an entire year and a half since we've had ANY contact whatsoever but we both feel it is time to move on and see what the future holds. I can't tell you all how happy this makes me. I can finally put (some of) my past to rest.

Looking Forward

This year has been very odd to me already.

I had all sorts of plans and felt I could take on everything. And by everything, I mean - job, school, motherhood and many personal goals that have been on the back burner for far too long.

But I am only one person. And sometimes too much is well, too much. I learned this the hard way (like I do everything else.)

Thankfully, I have an amazing support system and the opportunity to still change some things up. It's only March so I seriously need to stop being so hard on myself, lol.

Every one of us needs to stop feeling pressure to please others all the time or having too high of expectations. We are all guilty of that. It's not that we aren't capable of certain things - we just need to know our limits as human beings. Balance is super important and gets lost in the shuffle more often than not.

Forgoing sleep, time for ourselves or being social seems doable but in reality - it isn't.

I hope everyone can re-focus if they are feeling overwhelmed by life. Make a list - a realistic one - and recognize where you need to improve but also, where you need to let go or relax. I know doing this has really opened my eyes and now, I can move forward towards my (many) goals in a calm and feasible manner.

Much love to you all! ♥

Gratitude

I envisioned 2011 as being the most productive year of my life. I thought, I have my head on straight (finally) and nothing is gonna hurt me, stop me, bother me, stray me.....yet, life happens. {see my previous post on bad luck.}

And still, I am motorin' along. I can't even express or describe to you how tired and drained I am, 24/7. Not just physically, but, mentally as well. My typical day consists of 9-11 hours of work, full time parenting, full time probation, full time school and then - I am supposed to sleep, eat, read, socialize and relax somewhere in there.
I had a conversation with my Mom today and I went off on a tangent about how I wished I had a magic wand, I had 10 extra hours in the day, I could clone myself, blah blah blah. We've all dreamed of it. Wouldn't it be nice? We could get everything done. We would be productive and organized. We'd feel accomplished.
What I feel like most days? Exhausted, lonely, delirious from lack of sleep, boring and like a damn dog chasing it's tail. I can't seem to catch up. The daily grind makes me feel like I am not making any progress, but, truth is - I am.

I love (LOVE) my job. I am passionate about learning and the subject of psychology never ceases to amaze, intrigue and fascinate me. My instructors and classmates are so generous and kind with their words of praise. Being around Berlyn is a constant joy and I laugh every single day. I have so many people who are reaching out to me, supporting me, and loving me that I feel about to explode from happiness. My FB, email, texts and daily encounters with the people in my life reassure me that I am on the right path - everyone (you all) have been so good to me and I can't thank you enough.

You get what you give and after all the years of loving and caring for people so much it made my heart hurt, I am now getting it in return.

Thank you, everyone. Your support and love just makes me want to be a better person. And I am a better person because I have all of you ♥

Clean House has got nothing on me.

If you are like me, watching shows such as ”Clean House“, “Hoarders“ and “How Clean is your House?” is comparable to drinking 5 energy drinks and eating 3 candy bars in an hour. I get pumped. My adrenaline starts racing and I feel like springing off the sofa so that I too can tackle any piles, boxes, clutter. I am a neat freak, people. I freely admit it.

So, being inspired partly by these shows and also having a natural OCD tendency, I decided to start my New Year off right. Why? Well, for starters, I will be moving (out of my parents house) this year. Wahoooooo! It’s been a long time coming .

My “storage unit” has been neglected for far too long. Over these past few weeks I have taken on this massive project. And when I say storage unit, I really mean my parent’s barn which holds about 50 of my boxes and all of my furniture. Living with just the “bare essentials” this past year has been very freeing and I’ve enjoyed it. But I miss my “stuff.” More accurately, I miss being able to get rid of stuff.

So, I bought those monster plastic bins (20, to be exact) and dove in to all of my “past” that was collecting dust (and…other things) outside.

Only a few. I ended up with a total of 30 bins.

I wasn’t truly prepared for what I would feel. Call it a time warp, a flashback. Either way, I had to come face to face with parts of my past and it wasn’t pretty.

First order of business? My giant Motley Crue collection. Now, if you don’t know me, this sounds odd. But having been a Motley Crue fan since I was 11 years old, I obviously accumulated tons of stuff. And add in my “ebay blitzkrieg” a few years back and what you have is a lot of items most normal people would never dream of spending money on. But I did. And I loved those things more than anything. Until, I discovered – I grew up.

Last night, I was almost in tears. Sounds ridiculous, I know. But having to trash pictures and items that have long been a comfort to me and hold nothing but super, sexy and silly memories was devastating. I came to my mom and told her what I had just gone through and she actually was empathetic – probably because she knows what a freaking nut I was (and am) about Motley Crue. But I did it and I have to say – I feel like I’ve become a newer, better version of myself. FYI – I still love those boys, I just refuse to have little “shrines” of them any longer.

The next thing? I tossed nearly everything that was a hand me down. Of course I kept things that had some significance or were family related but other than that – garbage. I hope one day to actually purchase and own nice things, things that reflect who I am and that I can take pride in. I’m already on my way to picking out my dream purchases…..it’s pretty much more exciting than snorting meth.

Perhaps the most humorous part of this whole experience (besides finding that box of letters from my ex-felon, ex-boyfriend or, that long lost issue of Playgirl (lol)) is that my daughter, Berlyn has been by my side through the whole process. Within this year her and I will be moving. And she is extremely stoked about “our new house.” She talks about it every day. In the process, she sees some of my belongings and either wants to keep them for herself (oh crap, another pack rat) or she gets emotional. Wha???? Yeah – I found an old photo album of all the cats I’ve had in my life – 8 to be exact - and when she saw the photos of my past kittens, she started to cry because a) she knew I no longer had them and b) she wanted to just pet them so bad. Lol – poor little dear.

Let’s not forget the ick factor here. I live out in the “country” and a lot of my boxes have been torn into by….shudder…..rodents. Needless to say, I found a mouse skull and that entire box went buh-bye.

The coolest find? Since I’ve been working on my book, I have been in the process of gathering up all of my writings – and was surprised to find a lot of it was out in storage! So, good thing I went through this whole ”cleansing” because there was some gooo-goood stuff hiding in there!

My #1 best cleaning tip? I have found that the miracle product to clean virtually anything is: baby wipes. Seriously, I am obsessed with them.

*In addition to the storage debacles – another major change has occurred as of New Year’s. I am freely admitting it here – and am beaming as I say this – I no longer drink alcohol and I don’t even miss it. No – I am not pregnant. But I am trying to take control of my life and stop being a slave to addictions of any kind. (This would also include shopping.) Not only have I lost weight I have also felt stronger, clearer and 1000 times more motivated to reach my goals. Obviously I had to replace my old addiction for another one – so, energy drinks and coffee are now my bff’s. Thankfully, caffeine really has no effect on me so it’s more of a psychological dependence. Which – maybe not such a good thing. Okay, forget what I just said.

2011 – Be Good to Me.

“The 3 C’s of life: Choices, Chances and Changes. You must make a choice to take a chance or your life will never change.”

My life is far from perfect. There are many things I wish I had but either they aren’t in the cards or my time just hasn’t come yet. Regardless, I try to be happy and take one day at a time. And I have several things in my favor: Dreams, ambition, good people, a beautiful little girl, inner beauty, a kind heart, resilience, strength and a whole hell of a lot of potential. At the end of the day, no one can take that from me.

I have moderate hopes for 2011 – not high ones, because that always backfires. I know there is a lot of hard work ahead of me this coming year. Sure, it’d be nice to be spoiled by someone or have things easy but hell – that has never been the route my life has taken. Instead, I work my ass off and have to fight hard for what I want. So I know within the next few years, life is finally going to be pretty close to perfect for Berlyn and I.

Much love this New Year, friends! See you all next year.

Every End is a New Beginning

“The object of a new year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul”

~G. K. Chesterton~

This is a good time to reflect on 2010, what’s happened and what I hope for 2011.

The word for 2010 for me was Change. Everything changed. My friendships, my family dynamic, my expectations, my beliefs. I started to think more about the big picture and how I could contribute to others, and not just what I could get for myself. Becoming a mother was definitely a step in the direction of being a more self-less being.

I have found myself within new surroundings, new ideas, new goals, making new friends and trying to simplify my life – in all areas. All of this has enriched my life greatly, and nourished my soul. I am deeply grateful for all the people I have met or grown closer to in 2010. They have played a huge part in influencing my evolution. I even learned how important it was to have self-control and to bite my tongue, at times. Two things I have always struggled with.

Some of the changes in my life this year have been grueling, painful, tedious. Others have been exciting and refreshing and give me hope that there is so much more for me out there in the world. In 2010, I have gained more clarity on who I am. I have given a lot of thought to the priorities in my life: what I want to stand for, what I won’t compromise on, who I want to spend time around, what I want my influences to be and what I will not allow myself to be exposed to. The biggest change has been in my attitude. I no longer carry grudges, resentments, chips on my shoulder – everyone makes mistakes, including me, and who am I to judge?

The moments I felt most like myself and most inspired in 2010 occurred internally. Usually brought on by spending time with my daughter, or close friends or even attending self-help classes. Going through school opened my eyes to the possibility that I could really, truly be whomever I wanted to be.

When focusing on my good traits – I could say that I have a heart as big as the ocean. I love people. I let people in, I let them be who they are and often times, I still love them regardless of the pain they have caused me. I know now this needs to change – especially to protect myself – but also, realizing others have a profound influence on your own well-being. Constant negativity or conflict leads to nothing good. But, I love that I have a kind soul and I am always batting for the underdog and the outcast. It’s no secret that it will make me a better social worker one day and I am grateful for that quality.

What do I do that makes people happy? Well, I am silly and often a little off the wall. I could even say I suffer from being an airhead every once in a while and a lot of people find this entertaining…or maybe they feel sorry for me. Either way, I am always comfortable laughing at myself. People always compliment me on my sweet nature. I rarely will be rude, mean or malicious to anyone. If I am – it means you’ve pushed me to my breaking point.

The wisest choices I made this year were about getting rid of the unnecessary. Getting rid of friendships that weren’t working, getting rid of stuff, and getting rid of the fear and attachment that went with each of those. I also reevaluated my own behavior and for the first time saw the mistakes I have made, over and over. The first step in correcting something is admitting it. So, I am on my way.

The lesson that has been the most valuable to me this year is that negativity is contagious. And, so is positivity. All I want to focus on in the future is putting out the good vibes and then, getting them back. The other lesson? There are some mean, judgemental, ignorant people in the world. Several times this year I got very very angry and upset about how people acted or responded to things. But in the end, no one can change someone else – they have to want to change. And it’s just not worth it sometimes to go head to head. Let them make their own bed.

What did I avoid this year? I avoided as much drama as I could. I kept mum about many things, I had my guard up around many people and I didn’t dare venture into the dating world at all. I am just not ready. I have some major trust issues because of the events of the last few years – key people in my life betraying me out of the blue. It is all I can do to not put my heart out there and hope it doesn’t get sent back shattered.

My advice to myself for 2011 is: to not look back, to dream as big as possible, to slow down and love each moment, to relish the simplicity of life, to take time out to achieve clarity and to consult the heart and soul when making decisions.

People I would like to thank:

*My parents. I never thought I’d be living with them at my age but they have looked out for me constantly. They always have my best interest at heart and I am thankful to have such dedicated parents.

*My brother and sister-in-law. I spent much of this past year in their company and found that I could laugh, enjoy myself , talk seriously, share my innermost feelings and never be judged. They also assisted me in times of need when I needed a place to escape and unwind.

*My best friend, Stephanie because she is always right there. Always. And she really hears me.

*Dawn because she continually gives me wonderful, encouraging advice and a laugh, when I need it.

*Some of my newer friends for showing me that new beginnings are possible and sometimes better than what you had before.

*My ex because he opened my eyes to how badly I was behaving and treating him in the past. I hope to one day rebuild that bridge and be a great co-parenting team with him.

*All of my longtime friends who are still a part of my life and show never-ending support and love. I love you guys!

*Last but not least, my professors at school who pushed me and criticised me and rewarded me for a job well done.

*And, of course, Berlyn. She is everything. She teaches me something new every day and the love I have for her is beyond anything I can describe. “Sometimes we love people so much that we have to be numb to it. Because if we actually felt how much we love them, it would kill us.”

What social event rocked your socks off in 2010? Oh – that is easy. Attending the Chris Isaak concert in August with my dear friend, Satya. Not only was it an amazing concert full of sexy music (and frontman) but at the end, Mr. Isaak invited me and my 2 friends on stage, to dance. What an exhilarating and spontaneous moment. I’ll never forget it.

What is my word for 2011? It’s Motivation.

In 2011, let me above all else, work hard, be focused, have my priorities straight and my heart wide open and one day, I am going to be exactly where I want to be.

What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011?

1. Drama
2. Dating
3. Bills
4. Temper tantrums
5. Car trouble
6. Arguments and fights
7. Miscommunications
8. Bad grades
9. Bad hair days
10. Illnesses
11. Another baby {hahahaha}

And, hands down – the best moment of the year was the day Berlyn was finally, 100% potty-trained.

Responsibilty: Great concept, yucky word.

While writing my very last paper for my Sociology class today, I came upon a really neat article. It is a subject that I have long wanted to explore and also, implement into my own life.


This "list" was written by a man named Kris Johnson over at: Individual Responsibility. I have re-posted a few of his thoughts as a way to motivate myself, and maybe some of you, to take control of YOUR life and finally have inner peace. It's a nice thought, isn't it? =)

"I am thirty-five years old, but have only recently learned the lessons of Individual Responsibility. For most of my life, I've blamed others (family, employers, politicians) for my problems, and I've been very unhappy most of the time. But have finally come to accept that I am responsible for my life and my happiness, and that has resulted in a dramatic improvement in my self-confidence and sense of well-being.

Here is a summary of what I've accepted:

• I am responsible for my own emotions. Others may do bad things to me, and may even hurt me, but if I let it eat me up inside, the blame rests with me.

• I am responsible for my own economic security. They Can Fire Me, but if I am not prepared for that, it is my fault for not planning ahead.

• I am responsible for my own career. If an employer is not providing me with the opportunities I want, or is mistreating me in some way, I can Just Leave. If nobody wants to hire me, it is up to me to make myself more hire-able, or to create a job for myself.

• If I don't like the way things are, it is my responsibility to seek out or accept leadership roles so that I can change things. I don't expect anyone else to accept my suggestions and implement them.

• If I am not communicating well or am getting along with another person or some group of people, I accept that I am half of the problem.

• I am responsible for the consequences of my actions. I will not blame others for not reacting properly to my actions, and I will not assume a "no-fault" lack of responsibility on my behalf.

• Choosing to follow someone else's orders is a choice. If I carry out harmful orders or adhere to harmful policies, I am responsible for the harm caused.

• I do not have control over others, and I am not directly responsible for their actions. I may have some influence, and I may actively oppose others when the matter is important to me, but in general it is not my responsibility to provide unwanted advice, judge others' actions, correct their mistakes, nor to punish them.

• If someone who is working for me is not acting as I wish, it is my responsibility to either try to convince them to act as I want, or to dismiss them. Other peoples' mistakes are their responsibility, but if I allow those mistakes to continue or to jeopardize the attainment of my goals, that is my mistake.

• When working for someone else, it is my responsibility to understand what my duties and assignments are, and to obtain the information and resources necessary to do my assigned job. It is my responsibility to inform the boss if I cannot perform the assigned task, and it is my responsibility to come up with alternatives. If I don't like the assignment, I should graciously ask for reassignment or I should graciously resign. It is also my responsibility to share my honest opinions with my employer.
• I am responsible for managing my time. It is my responsibility to prevent myself from taking on too many responsibilities. When others ask for my help, the choice is mine. If I offer help, I do so freely and without expectations that the person(s) helped will repay me for my kindness. If I can't help, it is my responsibility to clearly say "No."

• Care and support of the people and things that matter to me is my responsibility. I cannot expect others to share my interests or desires to help others.

• I am responsible for protecting my legal rights. I can't expect others to look after my interests.

• I can't change the past, but it is my responsibility to evaluate current conditions and to plan for the future.

I finally feel like a grown-up. I wish I'd figured this stuff out twenty years ago. I know some will look at the above and roll their eyes. Like everyone else, I've been subjected to all those self-help empowerment gurus that tell everyone to take control of lives, and I have generally ignored it or thought that I already knew all those things. It wasn't until the last year or so that I really got it. So I share my experience in the hope that others may learn the lessons through a quicker and easier method than I did."