Lil Miss Sunshine

No matter what struggles or triumphs I face in my life, there is always one constant.

The love I have for my little girl.

Shine on, you crazy diamonds.

I'm starting a new segment here at Baby B and Me. 

I am constantly amazed at the power of positive thinking and deeper meaning someone can attain from "thinking outside the box." I do this a lot - sometimes to the point that it drives me batty. But, it's good for the soul.

I stumbled across this list of 50 "questions that will free your mind" the other day and wow, it had my brain going like a turbo jet. I was actually itching to start answering some of these questions but thought, why not pick a few and share them here? That way, you can all try them for yourselves!

Today, I am posing this question:

"If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?"

My answer would be, don't ever let someone bring you down. 

Yeah yeah, its broad and pretty general but what it really means, to me anyways, is there are always going to be people who want to hurt you, see you fail, see you fall and create conflict. Some people can't handle seeing others happy. So, they will try and tear you down.

Don't. let. them.

Always love yourself, always greet tomorrow with a fresh heart and head and *wait for it* keep calm and carry on, baby!

That's my two cents for today.

Hope you all are enjoying the beginnings of Spring! 

Zen is In.

I had been looking forward to this day for about a month or so. Having long been fascinated and curious about other religions - especially the middle eastern ones - I jumped at the chance to attend a service or a "sangha."

My reasons were both personal and academic. One of my classes required me to attend a "cultural or ethnic community event" and write about it. Um, in Boise? Yeah, sure. But after hearing the mention of a Buddhist temple here I made some calls and amazingly enough, found that one of my mom's best friends goes to it. It worked out perfectly!

The day before she told me to wear "comfy clothes that I could sit in."

I panicked a little. I only wear jeans. Or black work pants - that is IT. And in my mind I was trying to picture what people that go to a Buddhist temple wear. A friend of mine on FB joked that I needed a cloak with a hood. Har Har.

Obviously, I am so not a new age-ish type person. I have black hair, wear dramatic makeup and nearly every article of clothing I own is, of course, black. After dressing in my BCBG "sweatpants" (black) and my zip up hoodie (black) and my comfy boots (black) I set out for the temple. I felt like a total SLOB/FREAK. Not an uncommon feeling for me actually. Thank god I didn't run into anyone I knew. Which in Boise - is next to impossible to do.

Once inside, I was met with incense, tea and chiming bells. I took off my jacket and my shoes and then grabbed a round purple cushion to sit on. The teacher was an older lady with a nice smile sitting cross-legged in a chair at the front of the room. She had a singing bowl - the thing that chimes - and I immediately knew I wanted one. The sound it emits is so calming. Of course, days later when I went in search of one I found out - the cheap ones are about $100!!!!! Yeah, I'll pass.

The first part of the service was following along in a booklet and reading aloud - sort of a chant called "Shantideva's Committment to the Awakened Mind." It took nearly 15 minutes to get through the whole thing but there was something cool about reading aloud with 20 other people - sort of a synergy in the air.

After the reading, it was time to meditate. I was looking forward to this most of all. With the high level of stress and drama in my daily life, not to mention NOISE, I knew I would benefit greatly from some solitude and quiet.
It didn't disappoint. As I sat there, with my eyes closed and my legs crossed indian style, I couldn't believe how peaceful I felt just after a few minutes. As time went on, I realized, how eerily quiet the room had gotten. Just to double check, I squinted my eyes to peer around. Yep, there were still 20 people in here. But they (and I) were dead silent. amazing. This went on for 20 minutes - felt like an eternity. a part of my brain kept expecting to hear Berlyn screaming or my phone ringing or worse, Spongebob's hideous laugh. But, nada.
I began to feel weightless and a bit sleepy. I started to daydream about doing this sort of thing every day at home. But I quickly came back to reality when I remembered the 3 year old who resides with me.

Once the meditation was over, the chiming bells were sounded. We got up, went to the ladies room, walked around their bookstore and then came back to indulge in hot tea and cookies. My friend I had attended with made a joke that these services always reminded her of AA meetings - everyone standing around, drinking tea and chatting. I had to agree - it had that aura about it.

After our break, we took our seats again on our fluffy, purple cushions. This time, the teacher talked and I felt incredibly moved.
Unlike sermons I have been to all throughout my life - Lutheran, Catholic, Nazarene, Christian - this one felt real and true. Well, it felt like me. I understood her, I felt able to relate and most importantly, I did not feel judged.

I look forward to returning one day. But, in the meantime, I am in the process of setting up my own "meditation area" in my new home. I know on stressful days - or even, on days I feel grateful and thankful - I will sit in silence, smell the incense and focus on my blessings and all the good things in life.

To be continued!

Moving...along nicely.

Every time I start over, I hope it's going to all work out.

Does it? Rarely. But, I keep on trying. I think of myself as being that girl who continually puts her hand on a stove to see if it's hot and keeps trusting and hoping but keeps getting hurt.

Regardless, I don't care. I'll be that way until I die and I would never change that about myself.

So, with great excitement I am announcing wonderful new changes in mine and Berlyn's lives. It's not gigantic or earth-shattering by any means, but well, it's good. And I am excited so...*sticks tongue out*

We are moving into a new house. Granted, it's a rental and it's not in the town I had hoped to live one day but, for now, it works and it will be perfect.

Oh, and the house was built in 1915. Um, so cool! It's so vintage and tailor-made for me because of my love of vintage. The possibilities are endless in this new abode and I can't wait to decorate, paint, buy retro pieces and more. I definitely could be an interior decorator if the Psychology thing didn't pan out.

*I have to mention, I asked the landlord if the house was haunted. He was dead silent for a long time and just stared at me. I still don't know if his silence meant "yes, it is haunted" or "this girl is a whack job." 

Speaking of, school has been horrific. Out of my 5 classes, I am pretty sure I am failing 2 and 1 hangs in the balance but, I knew I was taking on too much and it has now been proven. I guess I can't do everything. Next semester, I am taking some cake classes - and only 2 - so I should be able to recharge and go nuts in the Fall.

And, such is my life, things constantly surprise me when I least expect them too. The job I have had for only 2 months has proven to be a godsend. Not only do I love LOVE my co-workers, I am already on the fast track to a promotion, a raise and who knows what else! The money is nothing to laugh at either.

Finally. I am getting some kind of recognition for my skills and all my hard work. It is so exhilarating!

I can't wait to start posting about my new home and all the neat stuff still to come in 2011. No matter what hurdles I have to jump, I always know things have a funny way of working out.

PS: In even better news, my ex and I are on the road to working out some things. It's been an entire year and a half since we've had ANY contact whatsoever but we both feel it is time to move on and see what the future holds. I can't tell you all how happy this makes me. I can finally put (some of) my past to rest.

10 Things I Love (March 2011 Edition)

These are always so fun to do. They help me realize how fun life can be and how blessed I am.

Enjoy!

1. Heart of the Dharma:

Attended my first Buddhist service and wow - it was super. I will be blogging about it very soon! 

(check them out, here --------> http://heartofdharma.org)

2. Target:

Seriously, I find the best stuff ever there. Got these items recently -

 

Groovy Lamp

Got 'em all: only $16.99 each - total steal!

3. Sensual Amber perfume from Bath & Body Works.

Yummmmmy. Bonus? It smells identical to my #1 favorite scent of all time (that I can never find anymore): Guess Marciano.

4. Fake palm tree?

Ever since leaving California, I miss palm trees more than just about anything. So, I finally broke down and bought one. It's tacky - sure. But I smile every time I look at it.

 5. The Strokes.

New album out sooooon!!! One of my guilty pleasures in music. I've really missed them...and the good times I had during their heyday :( I can never forget to mention that Julian kissed me back in 2001. *blush*

6. This little ragamuffin:

Pink!

Tiger!

Newsie!

 7. Anytime Fitness: 

Just joined. They are open 24/7. I can't imagine a better setting than an entire empty gym, all to myself. I plan on using it....for real this time.

8. Urban Outfitters....and this dress:

 9. My Bedroom.

Yep, I said it. I have a crush on my room. I have always been very bohemian and eclectic and my room definitely demonstrates it. Even if I do get told it looks like a bordello - haha - I love it. I can't wait until I have an entire house to decorate. Soon, soon! =)

10. Russell Brand.

I've been known to have some pretty peculiar taste in men. Even I can admit that. 

There is just SOMETHING about him.

Not sure what.

I'll let you know when I find out though.

Rawr!

Gratitude

I envisioned 2011 as being the most productive year of my life. I thought, I have my head on straight (finally) and nothing is gonna hurt me, stop me, bother me, stray me.....yet, life happens. {see my previous post on bad luck.}

And still, I am motorin' along. I can't even express or describe to you how tired and drained I am, 24/7. Not just physically, but, mentally as well. My typical day consists of 9-11 hours of work, full time parenting, full time probation, full time school and then - I am supposed to sleep, eat, read, socialize and relax somewhere in there.
I had a conversation with my Mom today and I went off on a tangent about how I wished I had a magic wand, I had 10 extra hours in the day, I could clone myself, blah blah blah. We've all dreamed of it. Wouldn't it be nice? We could get everything done. We would be productive and organized. We'd feel accomplished.
What I feel like most days? Exhausted, lonely, delirious from lack of sleep, boring and like a damn dog chasing it's tail. I can't seem to catch up. The daily grind makes me feel like I am not making any progress, but, truth is - I am.

I love (LOVE) my job. I am passionate about learning and the subject of psychology never ceases to amaze, intrigue and fascinate me. My instructors and classmates are so generous and kind with their words of praise. Being around Berlyn is a constant joy and I laugh every single day. I have so many people who are reaching out to me, supporting me, and loving me that I feel about to explode from happiness. My FB, email, texts and daily encounters with the people in my life reassure me that I am on the right path - everyone (you all) have been so good to me and I can't thank you enough.

You get what you give and after all the years of loving and caring for people so much it made my heart hurt, I am now getting it in return.

Thank you, everyone. Your support and love just makes me want to be a better person. And I am a better person because I have all of you ♥

V-Day.

Valentine's Day for a single woman is pretty much miserable. It does nothing but throw in your face the fact that you are alone, no one wants you and you might be destined to die....alone.

With that being said, I no longer fear this holiday. I believe that one day I will have a man in my life who will love and care for me and might even take me to dinner.

But until then, I see Valentine's as a day to express and receive love. Period. That's it. Love is the greatest (free) gift in the entire world.

My Valentine this year? My girl, Berlyn. She wished me a "happy valentine's day, Mommy" about 5 times today and every time it made me feel so very lucky and like my heart was going to explode.

{Getting all the texts from friends today was wonderful too. I have some amazing people in my life. I love you guys.}

Tell the people you love in your life just HOW much you love them today. And well, every day. Life is too short.

XOXO!

Breathe in, breathe out.

Ohmygoodness. I am so tired.

Life lately is equivalent to a speeding train. Or, more accurately I am like a speeding train.

Which - I am not complaining. No way.

What's now happening is I am finally functioning at my full capacity. And it feels really good. Being busy is something I needed in my life. Having too much time to think and not act gets old quick and can start to wear on a person.

This past week I have literally not been able to catch my breath.

I wake up every morning - including the weekends - at 430 AM.
On workdays, I arrive at work by 7, work until 4 (which entails non stop typing, accounting and other office stuff), then I go directly to one of my night classes two times a week, including a full day of classes on Saturday and then, there's the homework.
It's the most overwhelming semester for me already. The workload is immense. I barely finish one week's assignments and then it's time to begin the next week. I have seriously contemplated pulling an all-niter but every time I attempt it, I pretty much just pass out. I am a night owl no longer. Sigh.

And, I can't ever leave out being a full time parent. But, everyone already knows that about me.

What they may not know is that I am not the mother of a docile, calm little child. No, what I have is an active, tiny tornado of a girl who refuses to sit still (or be quiet) for longer than 5 minutes at a time. Who gets into everything she can fit her little body or hands into and she does not enjoy when mommy has to go to class, do homework or do anything that means I am not paying attention to her. {And it is seriously hard not to pay attention to her - have you seen her? She is SO CUTE!}

In addition to the flurry of activity, there are all the life changes - new finances, friendships, daily rituals and what not. I am surprised constantly by how my life is evolving and I am seriously over the moon about it. I feel happy for the first time in a loooooong time.

One thing I am really excited about?  My upcoming "visit" to a Buddhist Temple here in Boise. I will be attending for two reasons: to write a paper for my Social Work class and because, well, I want to be a Buddhist. There - I said it. Um, meditation, incense and Buddha? Sign me up! 

To put it in a nutshell - I love my job. I love being in school. I love being single and I love the direction I am headed in. I am genuinely excited about things and look forward to making plans and taking the steps to get to where I need to be.
Unfortunately, there is always the unexpected. Recently there have been two events that have really made me have to stop and compose myself. I won't go into them because it's not anyone else's business - unless you are close to me. I don't want to be a negative nancy all the time so there are some things I will keep to myself. But it makes me realize, even in the calmest of storms, life can be chaotic and ever-changing.

Much love, friends. I haven't had hardly any time to blog or even think about blogging but I will try to stop by once a week or so.... xoxo

Hello, Again.

Hi Friends!

So, I am back. At my original blog here on Blogger. Again.

I ditched WordPress because frankly, it was kinda dumb. I won't go into it but after all the posting and privacy issues, I decided - why turn your back on a good thing? Blogger was nothing but kind to me so, here I am!

On a personal note, haha, I am trying not to "over share" sooo much about me all the time. And when I say that what I really mean is all of my "inner stuff" - not my life events, because those of course I am gonna share! I'm proud of myself.

But, when it comes to the way my mind works and processes things, I've noticed that others just don't see the way I do. And I am totally fine with that. It's really nothing new for me.

I have had a crazy year already and about 90% of it has been super fantastic stuff. I still have my down days, like everyone else who has a pulse, and now they just remind me that I am human and I am allowed to have an off day every once in awhile. And then, I just pick myself up and stomp on, baby.

Today I was reminded of several things.

1. I am a woman and an American so I am entitled to many freedoms. With that being said, I can change my mind, I can decide things for myself and I can practice freedom of speech and expression.

2. Not only am I a woman, I am a grown ass one. And a damn good one. I don't need other's permission or judgments on how to conduct my life.  Thankyouverymuch. =)

3. I am a lover. Always will be and nothing can or will change that. If you hurt me? I will walk away from you and find someone else to love. It's that simple. I think revenge, game-playing and being clingy/needy are a total waste of time.

4. I seriously can't believe what the power of positive thinking (and planning) can do. I am dumbfounded over how well things have progressed just in a matter of months when I decided to a) change my thinking and b) change my actions. I now know that your state of mind translates into what kind of life you will have.

5. I love being a student. I could see myself doing it for the next 5 years. And actually, I probably will. I have my sights set on a Bachelor's and  to reach even higher, that Masters has my name on it. There is literally nothing that can stop me.

I have posted a few of my posts from over at WordPress from December/January. Feel free to "catch up" with me and I hope you'll all continue to visit!

Much love and warm wishes,
Sarah

Every End is a New Beginning

“The object of a new year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul”

~G. K. Chesterton~

This is a good time to reflect on 2010, what’s happened and what I hope for 2011.

The word for 2010 for me was Change. Everything changed. My friendships, my family dynamic, my expectations, my beliefs. I started to think more about the big picture and how I could contribute to others, and not just what I could get for myself. Becoming a mother was definitely a step in the direction of being a more self-less being.

I have found myself within new surroundings, new ideas, new goals, making new friends and trying to simplify my life – in all areas. All of this has enriched my life greatly, and nourished my soul. I am deeply grateful for all the people I have met or grown closer to in 2010. They have played a huge part in influencing my evolution. I even learned how important it was to have self-control and to bite my tongue, at times. Two things I have always struggled with.

Some of the changes in my life this year have been grueling, painful, tedious. Others have been exciting and refreshing and give me hope that there is so much more for me out there in the world. In 2010, I have gained more clarity on who I am. I have given a lot of thought to the priorities in my life: what I want to stand for, what I won’t compromise on, who I want to spend time around, what I want my influences to be and what I will not allow myself to be exposed to. The biggest change has been in my attitude. I no longer carry grudges, resentments, chips on my shoulder – everyone makes mistakes, including me, and who am I to judge?

The moments I felt most like myself and most inspired in 2010 occurred internally. Usually brought on by spending time with my daughter, or close friends or even attending self-help classes. Going through school opened my eyes to the possibility that I could really, truly be whomever I wanted to be.

When focusing on my good traits – I could say that I have a heart as big as the ocean. I love people. I let people in, I let them be who they are and often times, I still love them regardless of the pain they have caused me. I know now this needs to change – especially to protect myself – but also, realizing others have a profound influence on your own well-being. Constant negativity or conflict leads to nothing good. But, I love that I have a kind soul and I am always batting for the underdog and the outcast. It’s no secret that it will make me a better social worker one day and I am grateful for that quality.

What do I do that makes people happy? Well, I am silly and often a little off the wall. I could even say I suffer from being an airhead every once in a while and a lot of people find this entertaining…or maybe they feel sorry for me. Either way, I am always comfortable laughing at myself. People always compliment me on my sweet nature. I rarely will be rude, mean or malicious to anyone. If I am – it means you’ve pushed me to my breaking point.

The wisest choices I made this year were about getting rid of the unnecessary. Getting rid of friendships that weren’t working, getting rid of stuff, and getting rid of the fear and attachment that went with each of those. I also reevaluated my own behavior and for the first time saw the mistakes I have made, over and over. The first step in correcting something is admitting it. So, I am on my way.

The lesson that has been the most valuable to me this year is that negativity is contagious. And, so is positivity. All I want to focus on in the future is putting out the good vibes and then, getting them back. The other lesson? There are some mean, judgemental, ignorant people in the world. Several times this year I got very very angry and upset about how people acted or responded to things. But in the end, no one can change someone else – they have to want to change. And it’s just not worth it sometimes to go head to head. Let them make their own bed.

What did I avoid this year? I avoided as much drama as I could. I kept mum about many things, I had my guard up around many people and I didn’t dare venture into the dating world at all. I am just not ready. I have some major trust issues because of the events of the last few years – key people in my life betraying me out of the blue. It is all I can do to not put my heart out there and hope it doesn’t get sent back shattered.

My advice to myself for 2011 is: to not look back, to dream as big as possible, to slow down and love each moment, to relish the simplicity of life, to take time out to achieve clarity and to consult the heart and soul when making decisions.

People I would like to thank:

*My parents. I never thought I’d be living with them at my age but they have looked out for me constantly. They always have my best interest at heart and I am thankful to have such dedicated parents.

*My brother and sister-in-law. I spent much of this past year in their company and found that I could laugh, enjoy myself , talk seriously, share my innermost feelings and never be judged. They also assisted me in times of need when I needed a place to escape and unwind.

*My best friend, Stephanie because she is always right there. Always. And she really hears me.

*Dawn because she continually gives me wonderful, encouraging advice and a laugh, when I need it.

*Some of my newer friends for showing me that new beginnings are possible and sometimes better than what you had before.

*My ex because he opened my eyes to how badly I was behaving and treating him in the past. I hope to one day rebuild that bridge and be a great co-parenting team with him.

*All of my longtime friends who are still a part of my life and show never-ending support and love. I love you guys!

*Last but not least, my professors at school who pushed me and criticised me and rewarded me for a job well done.

*And, of course, Berlyn. She is everything. She teaches me something new every day and the love I have for her is beyond anything I can describe. “Sometimes we love people so much that we have to be numb to it. Because if we actually felt how much we love them, it would kill us.”

What social event rocked your socks off in 2010? Oh – that is easy. Attending the Chris Isaak concert in August with my dear friend, Satya. Not only was it an amazing concert full of sexy music (and frontman) but at the end, Mr. Isaak invited me and my 2 friends on stage, to dance. What an exhilarating and spontaneous moment. I’ll never forget it.

What is my word for 2011? It’s Motivation.

In 2011, let me above all else, work hard, be focused, have my priorities straight and my heart wide open and one day, I am going to be exactly where I want to be.

What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011?

1. Drama
2. Dating
3. Bills
4. Temper tantrums
5. Car trouble
6. Arguments and fights
7. Miscommunications
8. Bad grades
9. Bad hair days
10. Illnesses
11. Another baby {hahahaha}

And, hands down – the best moment of the year was the day Berlyn was finally, 100% potty-trained.

Best B-Day Gift Ever.

Seriously....I am a lucky biotch. My best friend of 25 years PAINTED me a picture for my birthday. Like, really? Who does that?!
I am so flattered and touched. Not to mention, it turned out beautiful. Stephanie has always had a unique artistic style and she didn't disappoint. I only wish I had the talent to return back to her.

Thank you so much my loverpants, raccoon buns, squirrel toes, bestie boo! I love you! =)

My favorite flower (tiger lily) and color (purple).

Happy Weekend!

10 Things

10 Things I really, really like:

1. The time I spend with Berlyn.
I've been staying at home full-time for about 2 months now, in the hopes that I could focus more on my studies. I have gotten so much more done (and better grades!) but I've also formed this unbreakable bond with my little girl and I treasure every minute I get to spend with her. Even the hair-pulling ones. And the ones full of tears and....poop.

2. My love/hate relationship with school.
I had my doubts. But then I felt like I was doing the right thing. And then I wanted to strangle my instructors. But I could see the bigger picture. Although it seemed like too much work. In the end, I enjoy being a student and working towards my ultimate goal(s). See? I'm a little indecisive about it all.

 3. "The Language of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie.
Best book I've ever read. It has helped me more than just about anything. I urge anyone who has ever had any kind of conflict or pain in their lives (and, who the hell hasn't? Unless you're an alien or something)...READ THIS.

4. Cats in sweaters.
(no comment necessary.)

5. Victor Webster.
(again...no comment necessary. Well, I take that back. He could change my mind about having more kids.)

6.  My new found self-confidence and assertiveness.
Basically. Not being a doormat any longer. I am not afraid to use my voice. Or, keep it quiet when it's pointless to answer an idiotic remark.

7. The sweet, encouraging comments, texts or emails I get from friends.
They are not as frequent as they used to be, but they now hold much more significance.

8. The Moon and the night sky.
I have been a night owl forever. But recently I have this crazy, unstoppable need to go outside every. single. night and stare at the moon...and stars. It leaves me with a sense of calm and hope.

9. Being Single.
Yes, I get lonely and sometimes envious of others. But I genuinely like my freedom. And I like being my own person. I believe in true love but I also believe in maintaining your own identity. Marriage seems a bit wonky to me. I am conflicted.  And I'm single by choice, not because I can't get a date. Trust me =)

10. Psychology.
What can I say? I picked the perfect major. Everything about it makes me excited. It has turned me into a true nerd. a screaming little 13 year old girl and I couldn't be more pleased.

Happy to be right where I am at this moment. I love my family and my close friends. My life is on the right path, finally ♥

Countdown(s).

I was thinking ahead and trying to get organized yesterday when I realized all of the stuff I (will) have going on very soon.

I am really looking forward to 2011.

Yes, I said it. Sorry, folks. It is just around the corner. And, I, for one couldn't be happier! ♥

Days til I register for the NEXT set of classes: 7

Days til MY BIRTHDAY: 15

Days til Thanksgiving (and mashed potatoes, pumpkin pie, oh my!): 17

Days til Finals Week (barf): 36

Days til both of my best friends birthdays: 38 and 41

Days til CHRISTMAS: 48

Days til New Year's and we welcome 2011 (yippee!): 54

Days til my new semester (and life as I know it is over...): 71

Days til I spend yet another Valentine's Day alone (but watching horror movies and pigging out): 98

Days til I (hope) Berlyn and I can take a vacation back to Los Angeles for Spring Break:136

Days I've been madly in love and blessed with my little precious girl: 1,225

I have a Confession.

Some of you know me, some of you don't.

But, if you don't...I'd like to confess a few things.

I am an emotional roller-coaster.

I am often times ruled by those said emotions.

If I am angry it actually means I am sad.

I am too sensitive for my own good. And, sometimes it is good.

I care about people I've never even met.

I still love people that have hurt me.

I am the most loyal person I know.

I'm not here on this Earth to win any popularity contests, make friends, be taken advantage of, used or let people abuse me. I am here to be me and to do the best I can.

I have been accused of being a "drama queen". I don't see why this is necessarily a bad thing.

I make people laugh and I make people feel loved and safe.

I fight demons every. single. day. Non-literal ones, of course.

I make mistakes. Big ones. 

I try to learn from my mistakes. I'm not always successful.

I don't apologize for being me. 

But, I do regret any hurt feelings I've caused.

I'm on this journey called life, just like everyone else.

Freedom! Kind of...

"Keep it simple, stupid."

{No, I'm not talking to you....I'm talking to myself.}

Lately, this saying has been going through my head. I never realized just how tied down by social networking I was until these last few days. I have this "to do list" I've mentioned, meant to simplify my life and empower me yet I can't break myself away from checking my Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, etc etc etc. I know, I know...I have this blog but this blog was meant to update my family and friends on mine and Berlyn's lives.

So, I deleted those other sites. This isn't the first time I've done this. But, something is different this time.

Main reasons?

*I miss having some privacy. And power over who sees what I write/post.

*I am sick to death of getting my feelings hurt because I'm sensitive and I have to see or read something that upsets me on FB.

*And, I am tired of being invisible. You know how it goes...you log on and your friends are talking to everyone BUT you? Oh, I'm sorry. Am I boring to you? Didn't realize I had cooties.

Or, you have the privilege of seeing the photos from the party YOU were not invited to? Yeah, that stings.

*Not to mention, having people block you. Yes, I am serious. I've done it myself and it hurts a lot when it's done to you. And, quite frankly, it's really juvenile and way too junior high. I regret doing it to others so I can't complain that it was done to me. But, seriously, enough with the games.

*And honestly, I feel like sometimes we share too much on the internet now. What happened to mystery? I'm sure I am coming off as a total hypocrite because, after all, I have this blog but I started this blog for myself. I like to write, I like to rant and I like having a record of my life.

In conclusion, I'm a grown woman, I am busy (hello, 3 year old!) and I have better things to do with my time than get wrapped up in this social "nonsense". Especially when it's hurtful and makes me feel bad about myself.

If I am going to be online, I rather surround myself with people that actually give a damn...or at least, make an attempt to communicate with me. Otherwise, it seems kinda pointless.

Have a great day everyone...and get out there and LIVE a little (off the computer)! ♥