Kid Stuff, Psychology and the Science of Cartoons

There is some weird shit out there in Kid-Dom these days. Sometimes I am just baffled by what I see. I often find myself wondering, 'who writes this stuff, who okays it and what do kids actually think about this'?!

What is appropriate and what is not appropriate?

This began to bother me when I read about the iCarly episode that Nickelodeon aired. NAMI was the one to report on it and this is what they said:

"iCarly, a popular comedy for “tweens” and younger kids, will air a show “I Lost My Mind,” w/a character who checks into a “mental hospital”; her friends try to “break her out.” Promo commercials use language like “crazy” and “insane.”
If inclined, contact Nickelodeon at: Nickprivacy@nickonline.com or: (212) 258-7579 or Nickelodeon Viewer Services, 1515 Broadway 44th Floor, NY 10036."

I can't count how many times in my own life filled with television, movies, etc that scenes like this one have been rampant. and, we don't even bat an eyelash. Why is that? Maybe the perpetuation of this stigma is the PROBLEM. Hmm, ya think?

Then, a few weeks later, I checked out a book from the local library for Berlyn. It was called “Don’t call me Pruneface” and I thought it looked silly and amusing. Especially because of the title. Literally on the first page is this picture/caption:

I felt really uncomfortable even reading this to my daughter. I kept thinking to myself “what does she think this word means? Is this supposed to be funny?”

Having been called many of these names in my own life by former friends, acquaintances, boyfriends - “crazy, lunatic, psycho, mental, nuts” – these are words that HURT. These are words that carry a very strong and negative connotation to them regardless of how you “mean” them. Most people are so ignorant or clueless that they think they are harmless.  Or, don’t care. I’ve even caught myself referring to people with these words and I feel such a sense of shame. The most shameful part is that I don't even really MEAN it, it's just such a habit that they involuntarily come out.

How do we break this cycle?

Next is a subject I definitely need to pay more attention to and be concerned with. Having a daughter is both a blessing and a curse.

I've really started to notice how females are portrayed in television shows, books, songs, movies, and our society. I am not a feminist by any means but I am also not a soccer mom. I am not married (I choose not to be), I am in full support of nudity, pin ups and burlesque; I love Motley Crue and 'Married with Children' (which are 2 of the most sexist. misogynist things out there) but, I am all about women's lib, women's rights, etc. I am a dichotomy, I know... Ha!

So, I was really startled when, in a scene from Scooby‘s“Camp Scare” with Velma and Daphne, Velma is told by a male to "just stand and look pretty". Daphne's excited/giggly response? "He thinks you're pretty!!!"

I had a “what-the-fuck” moment. I couldn’t believe my ears. The original Scooby is from 1969 (so, sexism might seem a little more fitting back then) but this movie was made in 2010.

Not good.

Don't even get me started on Katy Perry. I truly love her (her style and her music) and so does Berlyn. A LOT. Do I think she's harmless? Yes, personally I do. But some of her lyrics are not appropriate for young girls. and kids always have a knack for picking out/hearing the worst parts. Recently, Berlyn said to me "Mommy, can I hear that 'Strangers in my Bed' song?" HUH?! Translation = "Last Friday Night".

I do not want to ever become one of those parents who uses the media as a "babysitter" and/or educator.  I definitely believe in monitoring what my child is exposed to.

At the same time, I don't believe in being TOO rigid and censored or denying my child the ability to discover music, art, books and film.

It's a hard call.

Netflix = Godsend or Curse?

We signed up for the “free trail” of Netflix on our (new, 42 inch flat screen) TV.

Little did I know what I was getting myself into.

Immediately I knew this was either the greatest thing to ever happen to us…or, a grave mistake.

Countless episodes of:

• Toddlers and Tiaras
• Clean House
• Hoarders
• Mad Men
• Law and Order
• Medium
• Ghost Adventures
• Criss Angel Mindfreak (drool)
• Heroes
• Parenthood
• Weeds
• Bones
• Reno 911
• Intervention
• Dr 90210
• Nip/Tuck
• Prison Break
• Breaking Bad
• Paranormal State
• The Wonder Years
• Psych
• Caillou
• Spongebob Squarepants
  
• Dora the Explorer

 AND MORE.....All at our little fingertips.

I could always watch Army Wives, Jersey Shore, Teen Mom or Pawn Stars…but, WHY?

I have already spent a few evenings (into the wee hours of the AM) scrolling thru my options.

God help us when the actual 'full blown membership' (and 1000s more to choose from) kicks in….

(Let me not forget to mention that there are MOVIES on there as well, not just TV shows. I am in so.much.trouble.)

In the wise words of Al Bundy, “They will be able to find me by the butt prints on my couch cushion if I ever go missing.” 

Scary, scary thought.

The Can Food Drive.

*This is the first installment in my "Flashback Project." Hope you enjoy it! And, don't write me any hate mail. These events happened when I was a KID.

Long ago (in the mid 80s) I did a really stupid thing.

Granted, I’ve done many stupid things but, this one pretty much took the cake.

On the whim of one of my “brilliant ideas” I talked my neighbor into doing a "can food drive around our cul-de-sac" one California afternoon. This actually translates into = we wanted free toys.

  

To fully understand why this was so awful, you need to know a few things first. 

One being, I was raised in a middle/upper class neighborhood. My parents did well financially. We had a swimming pool and a Mercedes and were definitely not poor.
Another being, I was spoiled, truth be told. But as a child, you don’t realize those sorts of things. Until later, of course.

My next door neighbor, K* was a lot like me (although, her family had 3 Mercedes, not one.)

K* and I got into all sorts of mischief over the years. But, to be fair, we were equally naughty. Once, we had drawn on the back of a neighbor girls dress with chalk, as she was headed to a wedding. Her mother, seeing the mess we made on her dress, marched down to our homes and demanded an apology. The little girl was a brat, but, we were definitely in the wrong. Even though, it felt so good at the time, haha!

(Interesting, random note - K* is now married to the former Cincinnati Bengals QB, TJ Houshmandzadeh.)

So, on the day in question, I got this idea.

I was about 8 years old and bored. I, along with K*, wondered if we could maybe get some free stuff by posing as supporters of our local church. (I realize, this is definite grounds for "going to hell.")

We set out, going house by house, ringing the bell and putting our best "sweet, innocent little girl" voices/faces on. It worked. Well, sort of.

At the end of the day, we ended up with about 20 cans of canned food. From our nice, trusting neighbors. We ended up with not one toy though.

= FAIL.

So, what to do? Instead of, oh I don't know, just throwing the cans away or something, we felt we had to get rid of the evidence. We targeted a neighbor's house - one we felt was unfriendly and "odd"-  and decided our plan of action.

We would toss the 2 bags of canned food over his brick wall and be done with it. Like, it had never happened.

Wow, how stupid were we?

I now see how wrong this was. But, at 8 years old, I just had no concept. {Trust me - a few years later, I went through many life lessons of my own and now shudder at this whole debacle.}

We hoisted the heavy bags over the brick wall and immediately realized, we'd made a mistake - it hit his dog (or just scared it) - I'll never really know....and the dog immediately began barking like crazy. We sprinted off towards our respective homes (K's* was much closer than mine) and felt safe once indoors.

Obviously, we weren't as quick as we thought we were.

The neighbor saw ME (not *K) fly into my house and promptly rang my doorbell.

I hid in my downstairs bathroom as I listened to the conversation between my neighbor and (gulp) my Dad.

Long story short, K* and I both got called outside, in front of our parents/grandparents/neighbor to admit to our transgression.

We then had to return all the canned goods we "stole" to the proper household and also, apologize for being bored, spoiled little brats.

Yep, we were.

I seriously can't even believe we did what we did.

It just goes to show - you really have no concept of the real world around you as a child - until it is blatantly pointed out to you.

The memory of this now makes me cringe. Not 4 years later, I was a runaway, living both on the streets of Hollywood AND in my parent's home (like a fricking ping pong ball) - I learned so much, more than any classroom or after school special could have taught me.

Sometimes I think, the youth of our nation needs to experience something like being homeless. a runaway or poor to appreciate what they have. That may sound extreme, but, how else will children become adults? They have to be aware of right and wrong. even in the most extreme situations.

I can laugh at this now. Kind of. I think my parents can too, even though it was probably mortifying to them at the time (and would be to me now, as a mother myself.)

If it taught me anything (which, it DID), I became more aware of the social problems in the world. In a sort of reverse sense. I realized my true calling for social work, psychology, activism and such at a very young age. *I am so thankful for that lesson.*

The Flashback Project

One of the biggest things I have always, really, truly wanted to do was write.

That, and marry a rock star.

I have been writing since I was very young. My 1st memories are from age 7 or 8; writing awful, hideous "horror tales" (because frankly, that is what interested me.)

I didn't actually enjoy writing until I got some recognition and encouragement. Which, oddly enough, was from my 4th grade teacher. Shortly after that, I won a writing contest at our local mall. LOL

But, the one thing I always come back to is - writing about my own life. My stories. My experiences. My adventures. There are so many (really, you have NO idea) and even though most people might find them utterly boring or silly (or hard to swallow), I like them. So, I am planning on sharing some of them here for you.

It will either be genuinely funny to you or you will just like laughing at my expense. But either way, I am perfectly fine with that.

xoxo
AATJ