Today, I finally took that giant and terrifying step towards something bigger.
I contacted publishers, agents and editors about "my book."
Let me back up for just a sec...
I've wanted to write a memoir for, oh, about 15 years.
I have numerous journals, drafts, essays, blogs, notes I have compiled in that entire time. Within that mess of papers and documents, I have some gems and some really good stuff. Also, some extremely raw material that could potentially damage me. Why would I allow people to have access to all this? Well, I don't see why not. What do I really have to be ashamed or afraid of? My life = all I know.
Granted, there will always be those out there who see otherwise but I am of the mind that this is MY life and I chose what I do with or make of it. Right? Right.
But putting myself out there; in the spotlight, in the Big Bad World, in the eyes of those who dislike me or even hate me has been something I have held back from for way too long.
Fear is the main factor. Rejection, judgment, and flat out cruelty have made me refrain from showing people what I can do and what I can offer, as a writer. And really it's just getting old now. Those excuses I've used for so long, in fear of getting hurt, are now propelling me to do this.
Now is the time though and I feel like, if I don't do this now I never will. And I can't live with knowing that I never tried.
I am literally on pins and needles right now. (And, feel like throwing up). But, I am also really proud of myself for just making the decision to DO IT.
It is very scary. And very liberating. And very exciting!
I will keep those who are interested posted, definitely. I have a feeling it's going to be a long road but one I will gain much knowledge, humbleness and happiness from.