Wednesday, October 27, 2010

30 Days of Truth: Day Six

Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.

This is gonna be one of my least favorite posts...I tell ya that right now!
It is VERY VERY morbid, but a common feeling amongst Mothers everywhere, I know.
I hope and pray I never have to bury my own child.

Becoming a mother was the best thing to ever happen to me. And no matter anyone's circumstances, every Mom would agree with me. You take the good with the bad and the good ALWAYS outweighs the bad. Always.
I wasn't prepared to be a Mom but it doesn't mean I didn't want to or welcome it with every fiber of my being.
Berlyn is my life. Nothing else does or ever will come before her.

Before I had her, I would watch movies or the 6 o'clock news, and hear about children being abducted, molested or...murdered. It turned my stomach, sure. It does for everyone. And I would usually turn the other cheek. Or tell myself, that's not real. But what I wasn't prepared for was once I WAS a mother and started to watch these same things. Wow. It made me physically ill. I could feel my heart RIPPING. Over kids I didn't even know...and it's because you envision it is YOUR child that this horrible event is happening to.

I have even gone as far as to "imagine" what I would feel like if anything ever happened to Berlyn. See? Morbid. I literally feel like dying. I don't know HOW people continue on after losing a child. It baffles me. I feel like my only option would be to commit suicide. {Not condoning it, just saying this is how I would feel.}
I personally know one lady who lost her son about 3 years ago from a hit n run accident in Boise. I see her struggle and hurt through it all but she is also so strong and keeps on going. I can't imagine how she feels because when I start to, I want to vomit. The other story that kills me is Vince Neil's 4 year old daughter Skylar losing her battle to cancer. Mainly because she is just about Berlyn's age now and I can't imagine something more horrific than watching your baby slowly die because of an illness.

Ok, I'm depressed now.

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