Thursday, October 21, 2010

30 Days of truth: Day One

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.

Uh, just one thing? Okay...*deep breath* goes nothing!

There are several things I really really dislike about myself, and yes, hate. Funny though, some of them I kind of like but others hate. And, a few even make me who I am and without them, I wouldn't be ME. So, that's not bad, right? Among them are: my inability to truly grow up, to be a social butterfly and to not get angry so easily. But the one that has brought me the MOST heartache and trouble is:

My tendency to be too sensitive.

Yes, there is such a thing. You know, when you get your feelings hurt all the time, and you feel like one big raw nerve? Or like you have PMS all the fricking time, you cry, you get sad, you feel insecure, you think your friends don't like you, or you take something someone said really wrong? It can border on being paranoid! I loathe feeling that way but I've discovered, that is just how I am. I do have to say, I have had a little bit of success in the past year shrugging off some of those old demons and learning to not CARE as much. But, seriously, it is effing HARD not to care when that is how you are programmed. I have a very empathetic nature. I have cried when a friend is hurting, or watching a show (yeah, I think everyone has actually) or even thinking about all the problems in the world.

Overall, I would love to not be sooooo damn sensitive. I want to feel secure in my relationships and friendships and not have to question things. I kind of wish I could be a total unfeeling, cold-hearted bitch. But who am I kidding? I hate people like that. Some might see my sensitivity as annoying or a weakness but, hey...I have a heart. Which is more than I can say for some people. The other option? I could revert back to my 13 year old "I don't give a f! what you think" attitude. Life would be simpler...and uh, fun! Let's all be 13 again! Who's with me?


Anonymous said...

This is my first visit to your blog and that post was a great introduction for me. It is beautifully written and you are singing to the choir. I cry at commercials... this is pathetic but a lot of times I don't watch the news because it upsets me too much. Marley & Me? Forget it... I was blubbering. It's a good thing, it means that your heart is tender and that you give a damn about things. As far as going back to 13? Hey, one is never too old for a good sleepover party!

p.s. I am having a photography giveaway if it interests you. xo

SarahDee said...

Hi Debby, thank you! That is really nice of you! I knew there were some other softies out there, besides me =) I will check out your blog, for sure.