Sunday, October 12, 2008


I'm realizing, more and more everyday, that I just don't understand love. I mean, the romantic kind of love between two people. It still baffles me. I have spent the better part of my teens and entire 20s in relationships.....and all I have to show for it are LESSONS. Mostly, hard ones. But good ones, nonetheless. Every lesson learned is knowledge gained.

I turn 30 next year (2009). I am terrified to think that I have yet to truly, madly, fully fall in love, for real. Maybe it's just something I won't get to experience. I guess I am okay with that. But, according to most people, it sounds like something I will probably regret missing out on.

I don't think I really care though. After the "last one"...he knows who he is, (short, buff, tan, egotistical, black haired d*ckhead)....I feel that my heart hasn't the will or the care to go on. I would just rather not even try. That sounds so depressing....but really, I feel okay about it.

I believe I am better off alone. At least it will save me the tears.


Anonymous said...

Your not missing out when it comes to love. You have Berlyn! That right there is better then any love a man could offer.

HektikLyfe said...

Anonymous has made a great point. But a life of solitude won't do your sanity any good if you aren't willing to accept the consequences. That would directly affect your capability as a mother too so don't try it if you don't think you're strong enough for it.

As for being shallow, sometimes you just need to find the person who likes you as you are. If you aren't interested in settling then you have to keep searching. If you are looking for someone shallow too it could take a while.

Sometimes it helps to be brought down to earth. Stand in front of a mirror and evaluate both your physical appearance AND most importantly your skills as a girlfriend/spouse. Realistically. Don't repeat the things your friends would say, "You're great, you're beautiful yada yada."

Take a real good look at yourself inside and out and see if you aren't setting to bar too high for the men you are aiming for.

In an age when were are bombarded with ads and media full of deceptively beautiful people (also inside and out) we set really high standards and rarely hold ourselves up to them. It takes the occasional wake up call to help us appreciate the things we have been blessed with.