Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Evil Mommy

I have always prided myself on two things. My open, kind, giant heart. And, my quirky, twisted sense of humor. They don't sound like they really go hand in hand. But it works for me.

I always knew I wouldn't be a "normal Mom" - not by a long shot. One of my good friends teased me years ago that she envisioned me putting eyeliner on my infant. At the time, it probably wasn't far from the truth but I never did. {Oh wait, yes, on Halloween I put eye makeup on Berlyn. And she looked darn CUTE!} I also had the "brilliant" idea that once I was a mom I would buy tons and tons of those Kid Cuisines for my child, because well, I can't cook. Yeah, that sounds so healthy, right?!

Anyways, I think nothing is funnier than kids that get mad, curses or embarrasses themselves. No, I am not cruel and mean, I just get a kick out of stuff like that. To a point of course. I'm not Satan.

Recently, Berlyn's beloved "Baby bunny" was left at daycare. Since I have been out of work, we only go to daycare once a month or so. Berlyn has not been apart from Baby Bunny for ONE DAY since she was born. If you look at any of my photos of her, Baby Bunny will be making an appearance. But I think Baby Bunny has overstayed her welcome. Gone is the bottle, the binkies, the diapers, the baby toys, the crib, so why can't Baby Bunny get the eff out too? Besides - this thing looks diseased. Berlyn has tortured this thing and I am amazed it's still in one piece.

Now, my confession. I left Baby Bunny at daycare for -- 3 weeks. I know, I know...I am terrible. But it worked! Berlyn finally forgot about B.B. and all was right with the world. Until....I got her back. Now they are attached at the hip (or really, B.B.'s nose to Berlyn's mouth...yeah, she attacks this thing like a rabid pit bull. Must be a sign of affection or something.) I will have to work on this...but later.

Onto our Siamese cat, Kiera. Berlyn is obsessed with this poor cat. To the point that she thinks she is her "Mama." Haha, it's really cute but not when she squeezes the ever-loving life out of her and tries to smother her with pillows and blankies so she is "cozy." The biggest obstacle I am facing with Kiera is the fact that she is strictly an outdoor cat while we are at my parents house. Berlyn cannot understand this concept, at all. Mainly because Kiera used to live inside, with us. So this leads to a daily begging and screaming fit where Berlyn tries to bribe ME into having Kiera come inside. I started fibbing to telling her that Kiera was "busy" and was off with her "kitty friends" having a "kitty party." Lol....last night Berlyn ran in to tell my parents Kiera was at a "kitty party." They looked at her like she had lobsters coming out her ears.

*Note: I can't forget to mention the one incident involving Kiera inside which equalled Berlyn dumping an entire bowl of CAT FOOD....IN MY BED. Talk about a nice surprise.

There are a host of other things I've done or said that I might regret one day. Maybe. Just this morning Berlyn ate a chocolate chip off the carpet (who knows how long it was there....shudder); and I looked at her and said "That was poo." Her eyes, big as saucers, she promptly screamed "No, it's NOT!!!!". Hey, it gave me a giggle.


Ninjagaiden78 said...

Adventures of a Mom. I like it because I am kinda in baby mode ever since hanging out with a friend and her child.


Sarah said...

Haha, that's awesome! I was in baby mode my ENTIRE LIFE until my best friend had a baby and I spent a few weeks living with her. I was like, "I can wait." I was 26. Then, about 6 months later I was pregnant.