Wednesday, November 3, 2010

I Must be Crazy

As I countdown the final 6 weeks of this semester, I ponder:

"Why exactly am I putting myself through all this?! I must be crazy!"

I am taking 12 credits. Two classes I like, two I don't. But, I have to take them in order to move forward. And, get that damn degree.

Sociology is a breeze and something I love. It's also my only A right now.
English has long been my favorite subject and I usually excel at it but, for some reason, I keep getting these crazy, hard ass English teachers that I want to punch in the head. Which results in me questioning my strength and gifts I have long been reminded of. I really dislike teachers sometimes.

Math and Politics...are like trying to decipher Siberian. Wait, is that a language? Anyways, it's hard. Not my strong points or anything that remotely interests me. As far as I'm concerned, they can both go to hell.
(PS. Adding to the frustration? I register for my NEXT set of classes next week. And, you guessed it, more Math, Science and English. :( Kill me now.)

It's hard for me not to get discouraged. A few things are against me:

I am 30. And most of my peers have degrees or fabulous/fulfilling careers.

I am poor. Thankfully, financial aid exists and it's been a godsend.

I am a single mom. Which,translates to....homework is next to IMPOSSIBLE to do with a 3 year old demanding your attention 24/7.

I am still trying to juggle finding a job whilst handling all my other responsibilities.

Add to that, I suffer from depression. This makes my daily life that much harder.

And, studying is not something that comes easy to me. I was a high school drop-out after all. I have no recollection of how to be a student.

Last year was the hardest year of my life. But, it caused me to do a few things:

**prioritize, grow up and think about the future**

It spurred me on to re-evaluate everything.

Were the people I was surrounded by really good for me? No.
Was I living up to my true potential? No.
Was I doing anything with my life? No.
Did I have the tools to succeed as a mother, friend, girlfriend, daughter, student, professional? No.
Was I headed for disaster? Yes.

This led to cutting out all the excess, the baggage, the bad habits, the demons and the hang-ups.

I have about 3 more years of schooling before I feel like I will be satisfied. It's going to be difficult. But, if there is one thing I've learned about myself?
I totally got this.

2 comments:

Olive Owl said...

yes. you do.
xoxo

Blondie said...

You will excel honey! I'm so proud of you for doing all that you are! It's easier to give up and make excuses then move forward. Time flies and you will be done before you know it! Don't question your English skills. I was an English major and now teach English and had terrible professors tell me I had no talent. Stay positive! Kori xoxo