Monday, January 18, 2010

Back to School; Yes, it's Official!

Tomorrow, truly, is the FIRST day of the rest of my life. I will be a Student. I will be working towards something bigger and better than anything I’ve ever had. This is not my first time around the bend. It will actually be my third. Oy. But, let me explain.

I was a "high school drop-out". Yes, totally cliché sounding but so true. I was a different breed of teenager. I was rebellious, by nature, and did everything in my power to NOT graduate or succeed in life. I just had too many other "things" that occupied my time and my mind. Truth be told, I was not the "norm." I was a chronic runaway who had substance abuse, emotional and mental problems. I was a perfect candidate for a talk show (or, a reality show). But, I felt all that was WAY more important than *gasp*, an "education"!
Wow, how silly was I?

Fast forward to 1999. I was 19. I had my "high school equivalency" and was working full-time. I was also, madly in love with someone who was completely wrong for me. But, at the time, seemed so right. I decided, after some persuasion from my parents, to finally listen to them and consider my education. What a laugh. I got as far as the 3rd week in and decided I needed to "drop out" because I wasn't fully invested. It was true, and sadly, it is a decision I regret to this day. I never thought I'd be one to say, "I wish I had stayed in school."

My 2nd attempt was about 5 years later. I had experienced the "work world" first hand. I was tired. I was frustrated. I was angry at being "underpaid and overworked." I thought, "My parents are offering yet AGAIN to fund my college education, why not try once more?" The unfortunate thing at this time was, you guessed it, a guy. My boyfriend at the time (and for several years after) consumed me completely. I just could not focus on my studies. And, even worse, I didn't believe I was smart enough to ever get somewhere. I felt stupid so, I gave up. Again.

Now, here it is. 2010. I have a child. I have turned 30. I’m more or less, on my own. I have learned, over and over...and over again, some harsh, valuable life lessons that make me who I am this very minute. And, you know what? I'm proud. I like me. I'm not stupid, as some have liked to tell me. And, I know I have SO MUCH to give. So much more than people even know I am capable of.

I feel nothing but excitement, motivation, happiness and peace when I think of pursuing Psychology as a major. Who knows what I will end up as, exactly? But, all that matters to me is that I try. And, in the process, help people. Not hurt them.

Tomorrow, I get to finally have my "comeuppance" vindication. I'm not a vengeful person, as some may think...I just believe in truth. For all those who have hurt me, doubted me, judged me, and, wanted to see me fail. Guess what? It isn’t gonna happen.

I would like to think, at the end of it all, in the words of Rodney King (lol, seriously, that was a very important time in my life and upbringing), “Can’t we all just get along?”

It’s a nice thought, but unfortunately, as I am sure to find in all of my Psychology, Sociology, Humanities courses (and my past experience in life) – no, it’s not always possible. Sad but true.

So, to end this post, I just wish everyone happiness. Really, I do. I hope you all find it, whatever it means for you.


Kristin Marie said...

You inspire me, Sarah!! I'm so happy that you are pursuing something that you're excited about and I know you will be amazing at whatever you decide to do! You already are. :) Can't wait to read your blogs to come! xoxo

The Happy Homemaker said...

Oh,I'm so happy for you.I wish you all the best.Going back is hard, but so very worth it.You can do it, for yourself, for your daughter...